Calling Agent P
by Jet Engine
Summary: (Perry-centric one-shot series. Please R and R. Also, the agents can talk.) Episode Sixteen: In a parody of "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," Doofenshmirtz talks Perry into waiting for the 'Grand Pumpkin' with him.
1. Perry Does the Busting

**Summary: When Perry learns that Phineas and Ferb's invention is dangerous, he attempts stop them from using it.**

* * *

**Perry Does the Busting**

Phineas is sitting in bed, staring at the alarm clock. It beeps, and he turns it off and stretches. He looks over at his step-brother, Ferb, and his pet platypus, Perry, stretching in the bed on the other side of the bedroom.

"Good morning, you two," Phineas says.

Ferb nods, and Perry chatters, in response.

Phineas climbs out of his bed - a rolled up, blue paper in his hand - walks over, and sits down in Ferb's bed. He unrolls the paper, reveling a blueprint for a sling-shot.

He grins at his brother. "So, Ferb, are you ready for what we planned to do, today?" Ferb gives him a thumbs up. "Awesome!" The boys jump out of bed and run to the door. "Let's get started right after breakfast!"

Phineas and Ferb are in the backyard, in a construction montage. Perry watches, proud of how advanced his boys are, for their age.

After a while, Phineas and Ferb take a step back to admire their work. In front of them, stands an enormous sling-shot.

Perry chatters, and Phineas glances at him, then looks at his step-brother. "Do you think he's asking if we're a little young to be building a giant sling-shot, which we'll use to shoot ourselves into the ocean, hopefully creating the world's biggest splash?"

"If that's the case," Ferb responds, looking down at Perry, "then the answer is yes. Yes, we are."

Phineas says, "On that note, we'd better go change into our swim trunks." With that, they run into the house.

When he's sure no one is around, Perry gets up on two feet and walks over to the blueprint laying out on a small desk, nearby. Smiling, he looks up at the sling-shot. Then, he looks over the blueprint, and his smile instantly becomes a concerned frown.

"Wait a minute," He says aloud. "With that angle of trajectory," he puts his finger in his mouth, then takes it out and holds it up, "and with the wind's current direction and velocity," he pulls out his fedora and takes a map out of it, "they'll land right in-" He traces an area on the map with his finger and gasps. "THE SCISSORS FACTORY!?"

Perry freezes when he hears Phineas's voice. "Did you hear that, Ferb?"

The step-brothers walk outside, still in their clothes, and look around. All they see, is their giant sling-shot and Perry, now in mindless-pet-mode.

"I could have sworn I heard an Australian man, out here," Ferb comments.

"Wow, a whole two lines?" Phineas says to Ferb. "Someone's chatty, today."

They go back inside, and Perry goes back to examining the blueprint. "Don't panic, Perry," he tells himself. "All you need to do, is change the blueprint- Wait, Phineas and Ferb are gonna notice if the blueprint is different. I can't have them getting suspicious... Well, I'm sure that Candace will try and bust them for this. She drag Linda out here, and this sling-shot will be gone, daddy, gone. Oh, yeah. Candace is on a date with Jeremy, right now."

* * *

Candace and Jeremy are sitting in a restaurant, looking at the menu.

Candace suddenly looks up and says, "My busting-sense is tingling. But I'm gonna try and ignore it."

* * *

Perry gulps. "W-well, surely Doofenshirtz's inator will- Wait, Doof took the day off, so he could over-protect his daughter."

* * *

Doofenshmirtz is hiding behind some bushes, speaking to a plush platypus in a paper fedora. The toy is wrapped in vines. "So, Perry the Stuffed Platypus," he whispers, "I bet you're wondering- Actually, you're not a real platypus, so... I'm spying my daughter, Vanessa, and her new boyfriend. Can you believe she's dating Major Monogram's son? Anyway," he gestures to an elaborate device behind him, "behold! The break-up-inator! I'm going to use it to get Vanessa out of this relationship. And there _is_ a back story, here! You see, when I was Vanessa's age..."

* * *

Perry is holding his head in frustration. "Come on! There's gotta be something-" He has an idea. "That's it! I'll call Linda, pretending to be Candace!" He runs inside. "Lucky for me, I'm a gifted mimic."

He runs into the kitchen, looks around and makes sure he's alone, jumps on to a chair, picks up the phone, and dials it.

Linda says over the phone, "Hello?"

Perry speaks, his voice sounding exactly like Candace's. "Lind- Mom! Mom! Mom! Phineas and Ferb built a giant sling-shot in the backyard! Their gonna use it to propel themselves into the ocean! But with their angle of trajectory, along with the direction and velocity of the wind, they'll end up projecting themselves into the Scissors Factory!"

"Candace," Linda interrupts, "I have absolutely no idea what half of those words mean."

Perry continues talking like Candace. "Forget about my voluminous vocabulary! You've gotta save- I mean, you've gotta bust the boys!"

"Well, I'm almost done at the grocery store. I'll be there soon."

"Hurry!" He hangs up. His voice returns to normal. "Now, all I've gotta do, is keep the boys from using that thing- Here they come!" Perry returns to mindless pet-mode.

Phineas and Ferb, now in their swim trunks, run to the back door. Phineas is saying, "This is gonna be awesome!" Perry chatters, and the boys stop and look at him. Phineas is smiling. "You're still here, Perry? That's a first. Usually, you disappear, by now."

_I've gotta stall them,_ Perry thinks. He jumps on to the floor and picks up his food bowl with his mouth.

Phineas stares for a moment, then says to Ferb, "Perry must be hungry." He opens a drawer and pulls out a can of platypus food. He opens it, then he pours it into Perry's bowl. "There you go, boy." He and Ferb walk outside. "Now, let's make that splash!"

Fearful for the boys, Perry rushes outside. The boys are getting in the slingshot's pocket. Ferb opens up a panel on the pocket and presses some buttons. The pocket begins to vibrate. A countdown from ten is shown on the panel's screen.

Perry sighs. "I know what I've gotta do." He looks at the audience. "But I'll probably regret it." He lays on side and starts twitching and making chatters and chirps that sound like he's in pain.

Phineas looks over and gasps. "Perry! Ferb, stop the countdown! Something's wrong with Perry!"

Ferb presses a button, and pocket stills. The boys jump out of it and race to their pet's side. Phineas looks at his step-brother. "I'll call Mom. You find a blanket, so we can make Perry more comfortable." They run inside.

Perry stands up. "Let's see... It would take a grown human approximately seventy-two hours to create something like this, so if I work really really fast, it should only take me a minute, or so." He looks at the audience. "Is it weird that I talk to myself this much? Aw, who cares? This is a fanfiction, written by some girl with an active imagination."

* * *

A girl is shown, typing on a computer and cackling like Candace.

* * *

Phineas and Ferb run back outside. Ferb is carrying a blanket. The boys look around, but their platypus is gone.

Phineas says, "Hey, where's Perry?" He smiles. "Well, if he can disappear, then he must be feeling better."

Perry is behind the tree, holding a video game-like controller. He starts cackling like Candace, then slaps his hand over his mouth. He removes it. "Okay... That was weird..." He looks down at the controller and presses a button on it. He hears rockets start up and peers behind the tree. He does a double take when he sees the boys in the pocket.

Phineas is looking at the bottom of the slingshot. "Hey, Ferb, is it supposed to be smoking on the bottom."

"Well, as long as I can control where it goes-" Perry accidentally snaps off the control stick. "Uh-oh."

The slingshot blasts off into the sky. Perry dawns his fedora and jet-pack and flies off after them.

Linda walks into the backyard. "As expected, there's nothing dangerous out here. But didn't Phineas say that Perry was sick?" She notices the blueprint and picks it up. "Is this what Candace was talking about? Wow, this looks like a _professional_ blueprint. I'm perfectly fine with the boys making blueprints, but if they'd ever managed to build something this big and dangerous, they'd be so busted, for it."

* * *

The slingshot is airborne, and Phineas says, "Hm... I don't remember this being in the design."

Perry is flying after it.

Phineas looks down. "Ferb, I-I think we're slipping."

They fall out of the pocket. Perry flies down after them, not caring if they see him in secret agent-mode.

"Hey, Ferb," Phineas says as he and Ferb fall, "is Perry wearing a hat and a jetpack, or am I just hallucinating from fear?"

"It's probably a hallucination," Ferb answers.

"Yeah... Let's just keep screaming."

The boys fall through the roof of a building. Perry looks down in horror. "Oh no! What have I done!?"

He flies down into the building, fearing the worst. His eyes widen at the sight before him. Phineas and Ferb are sitting in a pile of pillows. Workers are gathered around them.

One of the workers asks, "Aren't you boys a little young to be falling through the roof of the Pillows and Other Comfortable Things Factory?"

"Yes," Phineas answers. "Yes, we are."

"The Pillows and Other Comfortable Things Factory?" Perry says in disbelief. "But, but, but, but-" He returns to mindless pet-mode.

Phineas sees him and says, "Oh, there you are, Perry." Phineas looks at Ferb. "Good thing we didn't land in that Scissors Factory next door. Now, _that_ would have gotten messy."

Perry just stares at them as they leave. "Well, at least the boys are safe. I wonder where that slingshot will end up."

* * *

Doofenshmirtz is whispering to the trapped plush platypus. "And now, I will activate my inator-" A giant slingshot lands on top of the inator, crushing it. Doof shakes his fist angrily at the sky and shouts, "Curse you, Perry the Platypus, even though I know you weren't here, but I'm sure this is your fault somehow!"

Vanessa walks up behind him. "Dad?"

Doof turns around and looks sheepishly at her. "Oh, hello, Vanessa... Whatcha doin'?"

**The End**


	2. I Spy

**Summary: Doof sends his "spy-cam-inator" to Perry's house, but Perry thinks that it's a toy that Phineas and Ferb made for him.**

**This episode was inspired by the PnF episode, _Hide and Seek_.**

* * *

**I Spy**

Phineas, Ferb, and Perry are sitting on the couch, watching TV. A commercial appears on the screen. It advertises a colorful ball.

As clips of animals playing with said ball are shown, an announcer says, "Introducing the Pet Ball! It's a ball that your pet plays with! From dogs, to cats, to semiaquatic mammals, to platypi, the Pet Ball will bring hours of fun to your pet! Only $15.95, plus $7.95 in shipping and handling! Order now!"

Phineas turns off the TV and looks at Ferb. "Don't you hate it when people charge more money than a product is worth?" Ferb nods. "We should really do something about that." Phineas smiles, as Perry wanders off. "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do, today."

"Are we going to create a company that sells products at a fair value?" Ferb asks.

"We tried that, yesterday," Phineas answers. "Remember? All of the phones we used disappeared?"

"Oh, right."

"I was thinking that, today, we could make a really cool toy for Perry." Phineas looks around. "Speaking of Perry, I wonder where the little guy wandered off to."

* * *

Perry is in the bathroom, filling the bath tub with water. Once it's full, he turns off the faucet and dives in, the water draining behind him.

He drops into the chair in his lair, and - to his surprise - the bath water splashes down on to him. He takes off his hat, wrings it out, then puts it back on.

Major Monogram appears on the screen. "Hello, Agent P. Thanks for testing out our new bath-tub-lair-entrance. Of course, now that I think about it, it seems like a pretty stupid idea. I mean, it probably takes a while to fill the tub. Plus, it's a _huge_ waste of water." Perry just looks at him blankly. "Uh, right." Monogram awkwardly clears his throat. "Our sources tell us that Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been buying a lot of products advertised on television. We need you to go find out what he's up to, and put a stop to it."

Perry salutes, then exits.

* * *

Perry kicks down Doofenshmirtz's door. Doof turns around from where he is sitting at the computer and smiles. "Oh, hi, Perry the Platypus. Won't you come in?"

Suspicious, Perry walks up to his frenemy. "You seem pretty chipper."

Doof replies, "It's this super fast Internet! I finally decided to switch to Pompast, and I can finally enjoy the computer, again! So, what brings you here?"

Perry blinks. "Um, Major Monogram said that you were buying a lot of advertised products?"

"Oh, that. Well, I don't have any evil schemes, today." Doof frowns. "Those commercials just make all those products look so good! I've ordered all kinds of things off the Internet because of it! I would have dialed the numbers, but _someone_ made my phone disappear."

Perry shrugs. "You're the one who built the make-phones-disappear-inator."

"Yes," Doof points at Perry,"but _you're_ the who got it stuck in random-fire-mode." Doofenshmirtz puts his hand in the pocket of his lab coat. "Oh, well." He takes it out of his pocket. He turns Perry around, while, at the same time, sticking a tiny, metal disk to his shoulder blade. "I guess you can head home, Perry the Platypus. Tomorrow, I'll probably have an inator that eliminates TV commercials, or something." He waves. "Toodles!"

"Uh, yeah. Bye." Perry walks through the hole where the door used to be.

After he is sure that his frenemy won't be able to hear him, Doofenshmirtz begins laughing evilly. "Oh, Perry the Platypus! You have no idea that-" He stops abruptly. "Norm!"

Norm walks up to him, holding a tray of cans of root beer. "Would you like a carbonated beverage, sir?"

Doof looks blankly at him. "Norm, you _know_ carbonation gives me gas. Where did you even get all that root beer? I don't remember buying any soda."

"I will take that as a no."

"Cut the chatter, Norm. I need someone to rant to. I would have ranted to Perry the Platypus, but he can't know about this."

"Go ahead and rant, sir."

Doof smiles mischievously. "I have attached my new spy-cam-inator to Perry the Platypus's body. When he gets home, I will activate it and use it to find out his address." He nods toward the computer. "Now that my computer isn't so slow, I will use it to monitor the spy-cam-inator."

"But, sir," Norm interrupts, "how will you know when Perry the Platypus is at home?"

"Because my computer will beep when he is settled in. Trust me. This'll work." He waves dismissively. "You can leave, now, Norm."

As Norm walks away, he says, "I will go get some snacks."

Doof mutters, "Crazy robot," then turns to face the computer and grins. "Oooh, imagine what I can do when I find out where Perry the Platypus lives! I can ring his doorbell and run, send him annoying chain-letters, teepee his house on Hal-o-ween! The possibilities are endless!"

* * *

"Oh, hi, Perry," Phineas greets as his platypus - acting like a mindless pet - wanders into the backyard. "You're home early."

Phineas and Ferb are sitting around a small pile of metal parts. Perry chatters.

Candace storms up to her brothers. "What are you two doing with metal stuff?"

"We're making a toy for Perry," Phineas answers.

"A toy, huh? Well, I'm sure it'll be something big and bust-able."

Perry heads inside through the doggy-door. He crawls over to his pet-bed in the kitchen, then curls up in it and takes a nap.

* * *

Doofenshmirtz's computer beeps, and Doofenshmirtz enthusiastically plops into the chair in front of it. "Yes! Perry's home!" He types on the keyboard and clicks the mouse. "Now, I can activate my spy-cam-inator!"

* * *

The metal disk on Perry's shoulder-blade transforms into a spider-like device. It crawls off of the platypus.

Upon feeling something on his shoulder, Perry wakes up. He immediately sees the machine on the floor, puts his fedora on, and picks it up.

* * *

"Oh no!" Doof exclaims. "Perry the Platypus found my spy-cam-inator!"

To his surprise, Perry seemed to relax after a moment. The platypus took off his fedora as he said, "I guess this is the pet-toy my boys were talking about making me."

"Pet-toy?" Doof said in confusion. "Perry the Platypus is a pet? Isn't he a little...secret agent-y to be a pet?" He thought about it. "I guess he is a _secret_ agent. He probably needs a cover story, like the agents in the movies. I wonder who he's talking about when he says 'my boys'. Could he mean his owners, or something?"

* * *

Perry puts the toy down. He drops on to all four and examines it. It starts crawling, and Perry follows it. It heads for the front door.

* * *

"I'm almost at the front door!" Doof exclaims as he types on the keyboard, controlling the spy-cam-inator. "I can't wait to-" He gasps in shock when Perry's paw appears in front of the camera.

* * *

The toy tries to move around Perry, but Perry keeps blocking it, having fun in doing so.

He's distracted, when he hears Phineas calling him. Doof's device retreats to the front door.

Phineas crouches down in front of him, holding a stuffed platypus. "Ferb and I made this for you, Perry." He sets down the plush toy. "We were gonna make it light up, but we had some problems with the lights."

A crash is heard from the kitchen, along with an angry Candace shouting, "Phineas! Ferb! Where are you!?"

Phineas says, "They were so bright, they blinded Candace. We figured they might do the same for you, so we replaced the lights with something I think you'll enjoy even more!" He petted Perry. "Have fun, Perry. I'm gonna go help Candace." With that, he leaves for the kitchen.

Perry looks at the plush toy and thinks, _If _this_ is what my boys made me,_ he glares at the device heading for the front door and puts his fedora on, _then I wonder what _that_ is..._

He gets up on two legs and runs after it. He picks it up and examines it more closely. There is a label on the bottom, that says _D.E.I._ Perry knows what _that_ stands for: Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. He squeezes the device in his fist, until he hears a _crunch_. He lets the pieces fall to the floor.

* * *

The computer screen turns to static. Doof sighs in defeat, then he shrugs. "On the bright side, no comeuppance!" He frowns. "Why do I feel so empty?"

* * *

Perry returns to mindless-pet-mode and crawls to the plush toy Phineas and Ferb made him. _I wonder they added instead of lights._ He grabbed the toy in his mouth. It squeaked, and Perry started playing with it more enthusiastically. _Whoa! It squeaks! Why does that make it so much more fun!?_

**The End**

* * *

**Remember: If you have an episode idea, PM it to me! ;)**


	3. Poof 'n' Doof

**Request From krikanalo : Perry ends up fighting Poofenplotz by mistake.**

**Summary: An inator causes Perry to start fighting Professor Poofenplotz, and Pinky to start fighting Doofenshmirtz.**

**Sorry, this is so much shorter than the other episodes. It looked longer, when I was typing it. :P**

* * *

**Poof 'n' Doof**

Perry looks around his boys' room, checking if he's alone. Then, he whips out his fedora, sets it on the bed, and jumps into it. He lands in his lair, and the fedora drops on to his head.

Monogram is on the screen, singing, "La la la la. Eye of the tiger. Eye of the tiger. Eye of the ti-" Perry clears his throat. Monogram looks down at him in surprise. "Agent P! Um... Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his usual tricks. We don't know exactly _what_ he's doing, but we need you put a stop to it. What ever it is."

Perry salutes.

* * *

Pinky is outside the Garcia-Shapiro, putting on his fedora. He's starts digging in the ground. After a moment, he jumps into the hole and lands in his lair.

Wanda Acronym appears on the screen. "Ah, Agent P. Prof. Poofenplotz has recently been seen in every dress shop in Danville, but hasn't bought anything. As you know, this is odd, for her. We need you to find what's going on, and stop it."

Pinky salutes.

* * *

Perry bursts through the Doofenshmirtz's wall. Doof scowls at him. "Perry the Platypus, why do you always have to destroy something, when you come here?" He points to the door. "The door is right next to you, for goodness sake!"

Perry glances at the door. He shrugs.

Doof rolls his eyes. "Fine. Have it your way." A cage made out of cotton swabs falls on Perry. "Do you like my trap? It's made entirely out of cotton swabs and white glue. I got the idea from this TV show that was cancelled a few years ago. See, there was this character, who was a total nut-job, by the way, who loved to make things out of cotton swabs and white glue. Now that I think about it, it was probably more of an unhealthy obsession, but that's not important, right now!" He gestures dramatically to the large laser behind him. "Behold! The fight-someone-else-inator! What it does is in the name. It makes you think you're supposed to fight someone you're _not_ supposed to fight. You see, I realized that you've been holding me back from taking over the Tri-State Area-"

"Didn't we go over this during the desert incident?" Perry asks. "You're the only one holding you back."

Doof puts his hands on hips. "Can I just finish my monologue?"

Perry shrugs. "Knock yourself out."

"Okay. Now, where was I? Oh, yes! You've been holding me back. So, I'm going to blast you with my inator, so you'll quit bothering me, and I can take over the entire Tri-State Area! In theory."

* * *

"As you know, Pinky the Chihuahua," Prof. Poofenplotz is saying to the dog trapped in the large, empty nail polish bottle, "I can't take over the world, until I look my very best. And, unfortunately, none of the dress shops in Danville fit up to my expectations." She whips out a small ray gun. "That's what this is for. It was a birthday present from a fellow evil scientist. He calls a 'ball-gown-inator'. Basically, it gives you the most gorgeous ball gowns. With this device, I'll be so beautiful, people will think I'm dressed for a cotillion!"

Pinky looks at the audience. "It's a word. It means dance."

* * *

Perry looks over his cotton-swab-trap. "So, this is made _entirely_ out of cotton swabs and glue."

"_White_ glue," Doofenshmirtz emphasizes.

Perry smirks. "So, it can broken out of, fairly easily?"

Doof frowns. "You know, I never considered-"

He is interrupted by punch in the face. He is knocked into his device, which begins firing all over the place.

Doof glares at Perry. "There you go, again. Now, it's stuck in random-fire-mode."

A blast hits the two of them, fires somewhere else, then Perry pulls the plug. They look at one another in confusion.

Doof puts his hands on his hips. "Who are you? You have a hat, so I'm guessing you're an agent?"

"And, judging by that lab coat," Perry replies, "I'd say you're a pharmacist?"

"Actually, I'm an evil scientist," Doofenshmirtz tells him. "I know the lab coat makes it kind of confusing, but I'm not a pharmacist."

There is an awkward pause, then Perry says, "Well, uh," he walks to the door, "I'm gonna go fight my nemesis."

Doof waves. "Okay! Good luck!" When Perry's gone, Doof says, "What a nice little duck. Or was it a beaver?"

Pinky hang-glides on to Doof's terrace, and Doof turns around and gasps. "Pinky the Chihuahua!? I wasn't ready for you!" He points to a pile of cotton swabs. "Could you please stand over- Hey, what happened to your trap?"

* * *

Perry is now trapped in now the nail polish bottle. Poofenplotz is finishing explaining her plan. "With this device, I'll be so beautiful, people will think I'm dressed for a cotillion!"

Perry pulls a small hammer out of his fedora and uses it to smash the bottle.

Poofenplotz starts firing the inator, and Perry dodges.

* * *

Pinky presses the self-destruct button on Doof's inator. He runs off as it explodes. He stops and looks around. Doof does the same.

Doofenshmirtz blinks at Pinky. "Well, you have a hat, so you must be an agent..."

Pinky nods. "Si. And you must be a...pharmacist?"

Poofenplotz repeatedly hits Perry with her purse. "Get out of here, you disgusting, little beaver-duck-thing!"

"Alright, alright!" Perry storms away. "I'm going! Sheesh!"

* * *

Perry notices the platypus-shaped wall next to Doof's door and goes through it.

Doof sees him. "Perry the Platypus?" He facepalms. "Great. Just what I need. Could you come back, later? I'm trying to figure what happened, here. I can't seem to remember how my inator got destroyed. Plus, there was random, little dog-agent, who wouldn't stop shaking-"

"Agent Pinky?" Perry guesses.

"Was that his name?"

"If that's the agent I'm thinking of. Weirder still, I was just over at some girl's house, for some reason."

"Really?"

Perry nods. "She kept hitting me with her purse and calling me a beaver-duck."

"Hm," Doof replied. "Strange day."

"You said it."

**The End**

* * *

**Did you catch the references to the PnF episodes, 'Road to Danville' and 'Gaming the System', and the reference to ****_Zoey 101_****?**

**PM ideas, please. ;)**


	4. The Beaver Tales

**Summary: Thaddeus wants to prove that his pet is better than Phineas', but their pets would rather relax at the lake.**

* * *

**The Beaver Tales**

Phineas, Ferb, and Perry are at the park. Phineas bends down next to Perry and unhooks Perry's leash.

Phineas stands back up. "Ready to have some fun, Perry?"

Perry chatters in response.

Off screen, an obnoxious, "Well, what do we have, here?" is heard. The audience, then, sees Thaddeus and Thor standing nearby with a beaver.

Thaddeus says, "Hello, old foes."

Phineas, Ferb, and Perry walk up to them. Perry and the beaver wander off.

"Hi, Thaddeus, Thor," Phineas greets, cheerfully. "It's nice to see you two, again."

Thaddeus snaps his fingers and says to Thor, "Gum me." Thor hands him a stick of gum, and he pops it in his mouth. He returns his attention to Phineas. "What exactly are you two doing, here?"

Phineas doesn't lose his smile. "We're just here to play with our pet platypus, Perry."

"Well," Thaddeus remarks, "you better, at least, stay away from _our_ pet beaver, Barry."

They hear chattering and see Perry and Barry crawling toward the fence.

"What!?" Thaddeus exclaims in shock. "What is our pet doing with that-that- What is that thing, anyway!? It looks like a mutant duck!"

"That's Perry, the platypus I mentioned," Phineas answers.

Thaddeus laughs. "Only you two would be dumb enough to keep," he points to Perry, "that thing as a pet!"

Phineas frowns. "You know, that's not a very fair statement."

Thaddeus frowns. "What do ya mean by that?"

"Well, you don't really know Perry, so I don't think it's fair for you to judge him by his appearance."

"Are you saying that mutant duck-"

"Platypus."

"-is a _good_ pet?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

* * *

Perry and Barry are watching their owners from a little further away. They speak quietly, so no one will hear them talking.

Barry is first to speak. "Does this bother you?"

Perry shakes his head. "Of course, not. Pretty much nobody knows what a platypus is."

"I meant our owners not getting along."

"Oh. That doesn't bother me, either."

Barry looks at him in slight disbelief. "But, we're best friends, and our owners hate each other."

"Technically," Perry says, "Thaddeus hates Phineas, Phineas is oblivious to it, and Ferb and Thor hardly ever talk."

"Still..."

"Barry, no offense, but your owner is a jerk towards, well, everyone except you and maybe Thor."

Barry rolls his eyes. "How can I be offended by the truth?"

"I'm saying that he and Phineas are total opposites. And, don't bring up the whole 'opposites attract' thing. You know I don't believe in that."

"Yeah..."

* * *

Thaddeus says to Phineas, "Well, why don't we just _see_ who's pet is better?"

Phineas exchanges a look with Ferb before saying, "Hold on, Thaddeus. I'm not saying Perry's better than Barry. I'm saying that I don't know Barry, so I can't tell you if I think he's a good pet, or not."

"Well, why not find out?" Thaddeus jabs finger at Phineas' chest. "You and your duck-thing," he points at himself, "against me and Barry. We'll just _see_ who's pet is better!"

"First off," Phineas replies calmly, "he's a platypus, not a duck. And second, I don't feel comfortable with doing anything like this."

Thaddeus smirks. "What's wrong? Afraid Perry'll _lose_?"

"I just don't-"

"'Cause, nothing can beat _my_ pet."

* * *

Barry glances at Perry. "Should we be worried?"

Perry waves dismissively. "Nah. Phineas isn't the type to compete. Unless it's for fun, or some cool prize."

* * *

Thaddeus says, "You're just upset that Perry's a useless mammal, who's no good at all!"

Phineas narrows his eyes. "What did you say about Perry?"

* * *

Perry looks blankly at Barry. "Looks as though I've spoken too soon." Barry smirks, suddenly, and Perry says, "Oh no. You have that idea-look."

Barry's smirk widens. "Perry, I know what we're gonna do today. Since I _know_ neither of us want to do this, why don't we sneak off and just relax, a little?"

Perry is skeptical. "I don't know..."

"It'll be fun!"

Perry sighs. "Well, when you have an idea, it _is_ boarder-line impossible to talk you out of it."

* * *

"Nobody calls our Perry useless and no good!" Phineas snaps. He looks around. "Hey, where's Perry?"

Thaddeus laughs. "Your stupid pet is too chicken to go up against-" He looks around. "Hey, where's Barry?"

"Now, whose pet is chicken?" Ferb asks, smirking.

Thaddeus points at him. "You're not supposed to talk!"

* * *

The pets are at the Danville Lake. Barry is splashing around in the water, and Perry sprawled out on his back on a flat rock, sunbathing and wearing sunglasses.

Barry gets out of the water and shakes himself off. "Why aren't you in the water, Perry? I thought you were an aquatic mammal?"

"_Semi_aquatic," Perry clarifies, "meaning land-dwelling, as well as water-dwelling."

He is caught off-guard by Barry picking him up and throwing him into the lake. Perry stands up and crosses his arms, frowning.

Barry grins and nods. "Now, you're in the water."

Perry rolls his eyes and gets out of the lake. He calmly returns to his recent position on the rock. Barry looks at the audience, shrugs, and does a cannon ball into the lake. Water from the splash soaks Perry, who sits up.

He sighs. "Well, that happened."

* * *

Thaddeus says, "If we want to prove that Barry's better, we'd better find those two."

Phineas puts his hands up. "Hold on, Thaddeus. Don't you think our pets are trying to tell us something?"

Thaddeus crosses his arms. "What do you mean? In case you didn't know, Barry wanders off, all the time." He looks at Thor. "Where do ya s'pose he goes?"

Thor shrugs.

"Perry wanders off a lot, too," Phineas says, "but think about it. Those two left _right_ as we were about to start some kind of competition. Don't you think they were trying to say that they don't want to do this?"

Thaddeus and Thor exchange looks.

* * *

Barry gets out of the lake and shakes water droplets from his fur, and Perry takes a step back, so he doesn't get even more wet.

Barry looks at him in surprise. "I thought platypi liked water."

"That doesn't mean I _always_ want to be wet," Perry remarks.

They hear Phineas call, "Perry!" and Thaddeus call, "Barry!" and switch to mindless-pet-mode.

Their owners run up to them and scoop them up in their arms.

Phineas smiles at Ferb. "You were right, Ferb. They _did_ come here."

"Of course, they did," Thaddeus says. "Beavers - and apparently your little...thingy - love water. And now, maybe we can get this competition on the road?"

Phineas and Ferb walk away. "Come on, Perry," Phineas says. "Let's head home. At least _some of us_ know that you don't want to compete."

Thaddeus and Thor watch them go. They glance at Barry, who chatters.

Thaddeus calls after Phineas and Ferb, "Whatever! Barry would have won, anyway!"

Barry rolls his eyes.

**The End**

* * *

**I'm running out of ideas. Anybody have one I can use?**


	5. Secret Sitter

**Request from krikanalo: Irving, wanting to live up to his name as Phineas and Ferb's biggest fan, takes care of Perry for a day.**

**Summary: Irving discovers Perry's secret while pet-sitting him, and decides to become Perry's biggest fan.**

* * *

**Secret Sitter**

Linda comes into the backyard. "Hi, boys," she greets her sons, who are relaxing under the tree with their pet platypus. "Ready for that Inventors' Expo that you two were begging me to take you to?"

Phineas and Ferb jump up. Phineas answers, "You bet! I can't wait to see all those cool inventions and their inventors all under one roof! How 'bout you, Ferb?"

Ferb gave a thumbs up.

"Great! Then, let's-" Phineas stops as realization strikes. "Wait a minute. Dad's working late at the antique store, and Candace is at Stacy's slumber party." He doesn't notice Irving poke his out from behind the tree. "That means Perry'll be here, all by himself. We can't just leave-"

"Hi, guys," Irving greets, startling the step-brothers. He steps in front of the tree.

"Irving?" Phineas says. "How long have you been there?"

"Only a couple hours. And I understand that you guys need a pet-sitter?"

"Yes. Yes, we do. Would you mind?"

Irving squeals. "Take care of the pet of the coolest people on the planet...? I'd _love_ to!"

_No, no! I'm fine on my own!_ Perry thinks, unnerved. _I fight a crazy scientist with crazy inators! I think I can handle being home alone!_

Phineas ushers Irving toward the back door of the house. "In that case, Ferb and I should probably explain how to properly care for Perry."

Perry gulps. _Oh, please don't leave me alone with that creep. Why not call Isabella? I'm sure she'd be willing to help!_

"We'll be back in a minute, Mom," Phineas tells his mother.

Perry groans and plops down on the grass. _This is gonna be a _long_ night..._

* * *

"Okay, Perry," Irving says to Perry, who is sitting next to him on the couch, after Phineas, Ferb, and Linda had left. "Since I'm Phineas and Ferb's biggest fan, and since you're their pet, I'm going to treat you like royalty. Anything you need, just ask." Realization strikes. "Oh, wait. Platypuses can't talk. It's a biological impossibility."

_I could freak you out _so_ much, right now,_ Perry thinks.

Irving shrugs. "Well, I guess you'll just have to tell me what you need in some other way. Like, pawing at something, or something. Whatever you do, I promise to interpret it the best I can."

Perry hears his wrist-communicator beep, and he presses his paw down on it.

"Did you hear something?" Irving looks around.

Perry uses the opportunity to sneak away.

Upon realizing that Perry is gone, Irving says, "Hey, where's Perry?" His stomach growls, and he shrugs, looking at the audience. "Well, Phineas _did_ say I was welcome to whatever was in the kitchen."

He enters the kitchen, saying aloud, "I do wonder where that platypus goes, all the time. I mean, what could he _possibly_ have to do that's better than hanging out with Phineas and Ferb?"

He opens up a cookie jar and reaches into it. When he can't find any cookies, he peers into the jar and is surprised when he is sucked into it.

He slides through a tube and falls into Perry's lair, but Perry and Major Monogram don't seem to notice. Irving is hidden behind Perry's hoverjet. He peers around it.

"Oh, there you are, Agent P," Monogram says. "Dr. Doofenshmirtz called off from evil, today. Apparently he's going to that Inventors' Expo. Normally, we'd send you off to verify whether he's telling the truth, or not, but we've got Agent B covering that expo. However, we'd like to update you on that amnesia mist we've been working on. So far, all it really does is cause bees to, um, attack."

Carl runs, screaming, across Perry's screen as bees chase after him.

Major Monogram looks over at him. "Don't run! That only aggravates them!"

Off-screen, Carl yells, "_Now_, ya tell me!"

Monogram rolls his eyes and groans. "You just can't find good help, these days." He returns his attention to Perry. "Anyway, Agent P, we'll inform you of when the amnesia mist _isn't_ dangerous, then you can send over your wrist-communicator, so we can install app for the mist into your communicator. Monogram out."

Perry salutes, and his screen blackens. He slumps in his seat. "Great. Now, I have to spend all day, with that creepy-stalker-kid."

Irving, grinning, walks over and taps Perry on the shoulder. "I came from the cookie jar."

Perry does a double take. "How long have _you_ been there!?" he exclaims.

* * *

Irving and Perry are back on the couch. Irving is reading a pamphlet.

After a moment, Irving grins at Perry. "I found a loophole in your pamphlet. It says that if your _host-family_ finds out that you're a secret agent, their memories will have to be erased, or you'll have to be relocated and never see them again."

Perry scootches away from him. "So, why are you smiling?"

"Because, I'm not part of your host-family! I don't need my memory wiped!" Irving squealed. "This is so exciting! All this time, I thought that Phineas and Ferb were the coolest guys on the planet. Now, I realize that it's you! _You're_ the coolest guy on the planet!"

"Please, don't start stalking me."

"When I get home, I am tearing down all of my Phineas and Ferb pictures and replacing with pictures of my new, semiaquatic, secret agent buddy!"

Perry's communicator beeps. He gets off the couch, glad to have an opportunity to get away from Irving. "That beeping means I have to fight evil. Bye!"

Irving squealed. "Can I come?"

"You want me to bring you on a mission that might cost you your life...? Okay! Just make sure my boss doesn't see you." Irving squealed again, and Perry frowned. "Could you not do that, anymore?"

* * *

Perry sits in his lair, Irving hides behind the hoverjet, and Monogram appears on the screen.

"Hello, Agent P," he greets. "We've just finished the work on the amnesia mist, and we'd like to upgrade your wrist communicator with it."

A tray slides out of the side of Perry's chair, and he puts his communicator in it. It slides back in. Monogram is shown handing it to Carl, who takes it off-screen.

Monogram says, "This should only take a moment, Agent P." His eyes widen, suddenly. "Great googly-moogly!"

Perry cocks his brow. "What's wrong, sir?" He looks over at the grinning Irving next him and yelps in shock. "How do you keep appearing out of no where!?"

Irving giggles. "You have cool secret agent equipment!"

"Uh, Agent P," Monogram says, "who is that boy?"

Perry glares at Irving. "My creepy pet-sitter, who can't seem to take a hint."

Irving waves at Monogram. "Hi, Perry's boss! I came from the cookie jar, again!"

Carl awkwardly hands Monogram the wrist communicator and runs off-screen.

Major Monogram calls after him, "And where are _you_ going, Mister-No-One-Will-Notice-A-Cookie-Jar-Entrance?" He returns his attention to Perry as the tray with the communicator opens up, and Perry takes the communicator out. "Just use the amnesia mist to erase his memory. But, don't worry if he looses consciousness. That's supposed to happen. He should only be out for a few minutes. Monogram out."

Perry salutes as the screen blackens. He points his communicator at Irving and sprays him. Irving faints.

* * *

Phineas and Ferb arrive in the living room, where Irving and Perry are watching TV.

"Hi, guys," Irving greets.

Perry chatters.

"Hey, Irving," Phineas replies. "How was Perry?"

Irving frowns. "Honestly, I can't seem to remember very much of today." He smiles. "But I'm sure nothing too unusual happened." Perry winks at the audience before returning to mindless-pet-mode. "So, how was the Inventors' Expo?"

"It was awesome! We met some very...unique people." Phineas picks up Perry. "Let's just say that one of them reminded me of a certain _beaver-tail-ed_ little fella."

Irving shrugs. "Alright. Whatever that means."

Phineas, still holding Perry, walks Irving out. Phineas waves. "See ya, Irving."

Irving waves. "Bye, Phineas."

He screams and runs off as a swarm of bees chases him. Perry places a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing as Irving screams, "I'm being attacked by bees!"

**The End**

* * *

**Expect a partner episode, featuring Phineas and Ferb at the Inventors' Expo.**


	6. Calling Phineas and Ferb

**Summary: Doofenshmirtz attempts to cause bees to attack Rodney, and Phineas and Ferb try to stop him.**

**This is a partner episode to 'Secret Sitter'.**

**I do not own the products described in the beginning of this episode.**

* * *

**Calling Phineas and Ferb**

_Doofenshmirtz at the Inventors' Expo!_

Doof sat at a small table in front of his newest inator, which was covered by a white cloth, absent-mindedly stirring his coffee. He was at the Inventors' Expo (as was stated in the jingle), and he couldn't have been more bored.

Nobody was paying any attention to him or his invention. The guests were taking more interest in everyone else's inventions. There was only one person he could think of that had ever showed even the slightest interest in his inators...

He looked at his watch. Perry the Platypus was an hour late. Then, Doof remembered. He had told Major Monogram that he was going to be at the Inventors' Expo, and he wouldn't be doing anything evil today. Perry probably wasn't coming.

Having nothing better to do, Doof sighed and stood up. He started wandering around, busying himself by looking at other people's inventions. There was a pillow that kept you cool at night, a light-up blanket, even some little girl's potato clock.

"Hello, Heinz," Rodney greeted from behind him.

Doof turned around and glared at him. "Rodney."

Rodney narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "For the millionth time, call me by my full name: Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstein."

Doof crossed his arms. "How is anyone supposed to remember that mouth-full? What are you doing here, anyway? Did you sign up to showcase one of your little 'izers'?"

"Please," Rodney scoffed. "I'm simply here to see all the _losers_ who think that they can invent. Do you really think that I would need to show my inventions to the public in order to gain attention?"

Doofenshmirtz growled under his breath. "I'm not doing this to gain attention. I'm doing it because I want to do it. So there."

"Whatever you have to tell yourself, Heinz." With that, Rodney walked off-screen.

Doof clenched his fists. "Oh, how I hate that guy."

* * *

Phineas and Ferb walked up to an empty table with a covered machine behind it. They looked around.

"Hey," Phineas said, "where's the person in charge of this station?"

Doofenshmirtz quickly arrived at his station. "That would be me, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. Are you boys interested in what's under the sheet?"

Phineas smiles. "Yes. Yes, we are."

Excited that someone was interested in his work, Doof pulled the sheet off his invention. This revealed a metallic, laser-like device that was about Doof's height.

"Behold!" he exclaimed. "The bee-inator!"

"Cool name," Phineas commented.

"Thanks."

"What's it do?"

"You fire it at people, and bees become attracted to whomever it hits."

Phineas and Ferb exchanged confused glances. Phineas asked, "Why would you make something like that?"

"Well," Doof pointed to Rodney, "ya see that bald guy with the big forehead? That's my arch rival, Rodney. I'm going to blast him with this just for laughs. I was going to use is it on my nemesis for the same reason, but he doesn't seem to be here, today. I tested it out, earlier, on some random guy, and it totally worked!"

* * *

At the O.W.C.A. headquarters, Carl plopped into a chair, sighing in relief. "Thank goodness the bees finally left. I can't believe I only got one sting."

* * *

Back at the expo, Phineas was looking up at Doofenshmirtz in disbelief. "So, you're just gonna hurt that poor man for no real reason?"

Doof blinked at him in surprise. Had the boy _not_ heard him call Rodney his rival? "What do you mean 'poor man'? He's not- Look you guys are just kids, so back off."

Phineas and Ferb exchanged glances, then walked away. When Doof was out of earshot, Phineas said to his step-brother, "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do, today. We're gonna stop Dr. Doofenshmirtz from attacking that-Rodney-guy with bees." He looked around. "Hey, where's Perry?" Ferb gave him a look that said, 'Really?' Phineas chuckled, "Sorry. Force of habit."

* * *

Doofenshmirtz was aiming his bee-inator, when a beaver in a fedora appeared next to him, a determined look on his face as he said, "I heard what you told those two boys."

Doof looked down at him in confusion. This wasn't Perry the Platypus. "Hm... Well, you have a hat, so you must be an agent...?"

The beaver nodded. "My name's Barry. I'm monitoring this expo."

"Oh, well, in that case..."

Doof pressed a button on his table. A faux bee hive fell on Barry, trapping him inside.

* * *

Phineas and Ferb poked out their heads from around a corner.

Phineas glanced at his brother. "Ferb? Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

"If you're seeing Perry's domestic pet-friend, Barry, wearing a 1940s fedora and being trapped in an artificial bee hive, then the answer is yes," Ferb answered.

* * *

Barry took off his fedora and pulled a string inside it. The rim of the fedora turned into a buzz saw, and Barry attempted to cut open the trap with it.

Doof waved him off. "Don't bother, Barry the Beaver. Your fancy secret agent equipment can't open that thing. The only way to get you un-trapped," he pointed to the button on the table, "is to press this button. But you can't reach it, can you, Barry the Beaver?"

Ferb came over and pressed the button. A door on the hive opened up, and Barry stepped out of it.

Doof glared at Ferb. "Not cool, kid."

"Hey, Dr. Doofenshmirtz?" Phineas asked. Doof looked at him. Phineas pointed to the self-destruct button. "Why is this here?"

Doof smiled. He liked that the boy was taking an interest in his inator. "Oh, that? It's for-" Realization struck, and Doof panicked. "Wait! Keep away from-"

Phineas pressed the self-destruct and backed away from the inator, which fired at something out the window and exploded.

Doof glared at the step-brothers. "Curse you kids and, to a lesser extent, Barry the Beaver!" Rodney came up to him, smirking. "Not one word, Rodney."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "My name is Aloyse Everheart Elizab-"

"You realize no one ever remembers that mouth-full-you-call-a-name."

* * *

"Okay," Phineas said, handing a pamphlet to Barry, "according to your pamphlet, if your host-family learns that you're a secret agent, they have to have their memories erased, or you'll have to be relocated."

Barry nodded. "That's the gist of it."

Phineas smiled. "Barry, Ferb and I aren't part of your host-family. Plus, we don't want to forget the day we helped a secret agent, so can we just keep this between us?"

Barry mulled it over. "Well...okay. But you guys can't say a word about this to _anyone_."

"No problem," Phineas assured. "I'm really good at keeping secrets, and Ferb doesn't say much, as it is."

"By the way," Barry said, "what do ya s'pose that last blast hit?"

* * *

Later on, the boys were back home, and Phineas, holding Perry, was telling Irving goodbye.

Irving waved. "Bye, Phineas." He screamed and ran off as a swarm of bees suddenly came after him. "I'm being attacked by bees!"

**The End**

* * *

**For those of you who read 'Secret Sitter', you now see that it was _not_ the amnesia mist that made bees attack people. :P**


	7. The Lack-of-Beauty Pageant

**Summary: Doof enters himself and Perry in a pageant for nemeses, but Perry is less than pleased with the idea.**

* * *

**The Lack-of-Beauty Pageant**

*Phineas and Ferb's bedroom*

Perry put on his fedora, opened the bottom dresser drawer, and jumped in it. He slid down a tube and landed in his chair, unaware of the pair of underpants on his hat.

Major Monogram appeared on the screen. "Hello, A-gent P..." he trailed off at the sight of the underpants. Perry gave him a confused look. "Uh, did you, by any chance, use the dresser-entrance?" Perry nodded. "Well, uh," Monogram pointed at his own head, "that explains things..."

Perry took the hint and felt his hat. He pulled the underpants off his hat and tossed them to the side in disgust.

"And, now that that's been taken care of," Monogram continued, "Doofenshmirtz isn't actually doing anything that we know of, but you never know, so go stop whatever it is he's doing - or not doing. I guess." Perry saluted. "Hold on, Agent P. I'm not done." He cleared his throat. "Actually, I just wanted wish you luck in the pageant."

Perry nodded. "Thank you, sir. Wait, what?"

"Doof mentioned that you two were competing in the first annual L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. Nemesis Pageant. You know, the time when evil-doers and their nemeses compete for a trophy, one for the bad guy, one for the good guy?"

Perry blinked twice. He hadn't heard about this!

Monogram took the hint from Agent P's shocked expression. "You mean Doof didn't tell you about that?" Perry shook his head. "Oh... Awkward..."

* * *

_*Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated*_

Perry was met with a familiar jingle as he kicked down the door to Doof's penthouse.

Doofenshmirtz grinned at him. "Oh, there you are, Perry the Platypus! I'm so glad you're here! We need to practice for the first annual L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. Nemesis Pageant."

Perry scowled at him. The scientist could have _at least_ told him about this! "Tell me you didn't already sign up."

"Don't worry. I put in your name, too."

Exasperated, Perry covered his face with his hands. He threw them down. "Doc, did you _really_ think I'd want to do this?"

Doofenshmirtz was surprised. He'd thought that Perry the Platypus wouldn't mind doing this. Perhaps a back story was in order. "Please, Perry the Platypus? I have to win this! My brother, _Roger_, always wins everything, you see. He always beat me! But, he's not competing, as far as I know. I can win something!" He locked his hands together. "Please?"

He was desperate. Perry could tell. He crossed his arms, annoyed. "Doc-"

"_Please_?"

"I don't want-"

Doofenshmirtz dropped to his knees and repeatedly said, "Please!"

After a moment, Perry face-palmed. "You are the most pathetic creature alive!"

Doof stopped, putting his hands down. He heard what Perry had said, and was hurt by it. Then he realized that his nemesis might have been right. "You might be right. For goodness sake, I'm begging a _platypus_ to enter a _pageant_ with me!" He sighed and hung his head. "I really am pathetic."

Guilt pricked at Perry's heart. He hadn't meant to sound so harsh. He was just so frustrated...

He placed a comforting hand on Doof's shoulder. "No, you're not _that_ pathetic." Doof looked at him. Perry couldn't believe what he was about to do. "Doc, if it's that important to you then..." He sighed. "Then, I'll do it. I'll be in your stupid pageant."

Hope shined in Doof's eyes. "You mean it?"

Perry sighed, "Yes. Yes, I do..."

Doofenshmirtz jumped up in excitement. "Oh, yes! We have so much to practice! There's going to be trivia - both good and evil - a swimsuit competition-"

"Swimsuit?" Perry asked, not seeing the relevance. "I don't have to participate in that, do I?"

"Of course, you do," Doof responded as though it was obvious. "There will also be a talent portion. What should we do for that?"

Perry deadpanned. "Don't know. Don't care."

Doof ignored his nemesis' lack of interest. "I got it! Let's do a musical number! Can you play any instruments, Perry the Platypus?"

Perry's expression didn't change. "Electric guitar, banjo, and I can DJ, a little."

"Man, Perry the Platypus, is there anything you can't do?"

"Yeah."

There was a pause, then Doof shrugged. "Alright. I think the banjo would be appropriate, because, as you know, I love show tunes." He had another idea. "Or, we could perform a scene from _Phineas and Ferb._ Or, we could build something! Are you any good at building things?"

Perry moved his hand in a so-so motion.

"Okay. Well, what _should_ we do, Perry the Platypus? What kind of things are _you_ good at?"

"Let's see..." Perry counted off his talents on his fingers. "Platyjitsu, singing opera, skateboarding, turning giant slingshots into remote-controlled rockets - don't ask - speaking several different languages-"

Doof interrupted him. "So, basically you're a Mary-Sue. 'Cause you can do just about everything."

"Technically, since I'm a boy, I'd be considered a Gary-Stu. But that's still offensive."

"Enough with breaking the fourth wall. We need to pick something for the talent portion. But what?" Then, he had an idea. "Wait. Why not a role reversal? You know, when two people switch jobs? I could be you, you could be me, and we could just act out a typical fight?" Doofenshmirtz grinned. "Oh, Perry the Platypus, that's perfect! I've always loved acting!"

"Are you any good at acting?" Doof nodded enthusiastically, but Perry wasn't so sure. "Okay..."

* * *

*Backstage of the L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. auditorium*

_*Doofenshmirtz and Perry backstage!*_

Several evil scientists and their animal nemeses (and a giant-floating-baby-head) were backstage. Doofenshmirtz was wearing a fedora, and Perry was wearing a lab coat that dragged behind him a little and was void of his fedora.

Doof ranted, "What I want to know, is why there is a giant-floating-baby-head here. Seriously, i-it makes no sense!"

Perry paid no attention and was examining his lab coat. "I'm telling you; this lab coat is a trip-hazard."

"Stop rambling, Perry the Platypus," Doof said, "and listen up. We did pretty well with the trivia and swimsuit portions-"

"I still don't understand why _I_ had to wear a swimsuit."

Doof continued. "Now, all that's left is the talent portion. Oh, I'm so excited! But I'm also really nervous. How do I look?"

Perry deadpanned. "Like a pharmacist in a 1940s fedora."

"Good enough." He motioned for Perry to follow him. "Come on, Perry the Platypus. Let's go see the current performance. I'm pretty it's Dr. Diminutive and his nemesis."

Perry started to follow, but ended up tripping on his lab coat. He fell on an orange cat-agent, who was plate spinning. As the two agents fell, the plates did as well and shattered.

Perry rubbed his head. "Well, that happened." He looked down at the cat-agent beneath him. "Sorry, Carter."

Carter replied with, "No harm done, Perry."

They both stood up and dusted themselves off. Rodney stormed up to them.

"Perry the Platypus!" Rodney angrily said to Perry. "How dare you sabotage mine and my nemesis' performance?"

He stomped on Perry's foot, and Perry held it up in pain, glaring at Rodney.

Perry spoke through clenched teeth. "It was an accident."

"Yeah," Carter agreed. "He tripped. You didn't have to smash his foot, Rodney."

"My name," Rodney began, "is Aloyse Everheart-"

"Rodney, how could you?" Doof asked, furious. "He fell by accident. I saw it!" He knelt down next to Perry in concern. "Perry, are you okay?"

"Can you walk on that?" Carter asked, pointing to Perry's foot.

Perry gently put his foot down, then quickly held it back, letting out a small, pained chirp.

Doof stood back up and glared at Rodney. "You broke his foot!"

Rodney put his hands up. "I didn't mean to."

Doof slapped Rodney in the face, then he bent down and picked up Perry. "Let's go get that foot looked at, Perry the Platypus."

Perry crossed his arms. "Could you put me down, Doc? This is just embarrassing."

"But, what about your foot?"

"I'm fine. Now, put me down."

Doofenshmirtz gently put him down. Perry winced.

Casting Rodney one last glare, Doof picked Perry back up. "Perry the Platypus," he said, "you can't walk on that."

"I could, if you'd stop picking me up," Perry justified, hating that he knew his nemesis was right.

Doof walked out the back door, holding Perry protectively.

Once outside, Doof looked sympathetically at Perry. "I'm sorry, Perry the Platypus. If I hadn't signed us up without your consent, then you wouldn't have gotten injured, and you could have thwarted my scheme, by now."

Perry shrugged. "That's okay, Doc. Admittedly, this pageant wasn't the worst thing I've ever done. But don't you think we should get back in there, and try to win. I know how much you wanted to succeed in something that your brother wassn't competing in."

Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes. "Please. You're more important, right now. I want to make sure my little buddy's okay." Perry smirked knowingly, and Doof realized what he'd said. "I mean, my little _nemesis_. Not my buddy. Buddies are people I like, and you're not one of them."

"Uh-huh." Perry rolled his eyes.

"I don't have that many friends. Cut me some slack." There was a pause. "So, do you want me to take you to the vet-"

"NO!" Perry exclaimed. Doof gave him a startled expression. Perry felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "I mean, I'd feel more comfortable going there with a family member, or someone who's _not_ my enemy. Now, give me back my fedora."

Doof took off the fedora and put it on Perry's head. Perry tugged on it, and a small propeller sprung from the top. Doof let go of Perry, and the platypus floated in front of him.

"Well, I'd better head home, then," Perry said. "Goodbye, Doc."

"Uh, Perry the Platypus?" Doof said as Perry turned to fly away. Doof smirked and pointed at him. "Curse you."

Perry offered him a small smile. No encounter was complete until Doofenshmirtz cursed him.

**The End**

* * *

**Anybody else agree with that last sentence? Also, did you like the Perryshmirtz friendly fluff at the end?**


	8. The Spy Who Lusted Me

**Summary: After beating blasted by an inator, Perry develops a lust towards Vanessa, much to his and Doofenshimrtz's dismay.**

**Contains minor innuendos.**

**The jingles were inspired by the PnF episode, "We Call It Maze."**

* * *

**The Spy Who Lusted Me**

*Agent P's Lair*

Major Monogram was on the screen, frantically speaking to someone on his cellphone. "No, honey! You've got it all wrong! I remembered our anniversary! I just-" He glanced down, now noticing that a familiar platypus was sitting in front of him. "Gotta go, Julia. One of my agents is waiting for his briefing. No, I'm not making it up. And, I _promise_, I did not forget our anniversary. Okay. See you at home." He turned off his cellphone, still looking panicked.

Agent P cocked his brow. "Out of curiosity, Major, how often do you keep your promises? Also, you may want to buy some chocolates and or flowers for you-know-who."

Major Monogram was sweating, clearly not paying attention the agent's words. "St-stop Doofenshmirtz!" Perry's screen blackened.

Perry looked at the audience. "You see what I have to deal with?"

_*Doofenshmirtz Evil Incor-*_

Doofenshmirtz looked up at the ceiling in annoyance. "Great. First, my echo breaks in a _Phineas and Ferb_ episode. Now, my jingle breaks in a fanfiction? Seriously?"

Perry broke through the window and was immediately encased in a red heart. He glared through a red-tinted window on it.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus," Doof greeted. "How unlike you to crash through my window. And, by unlike you, I mean _completely like you_! Now, I assume you're wondering about the heart-shaped trap. Well, it fits today's scheme. Now, this may surprise you, but women don't seem to - you know - like me."

Perry glanced blankly at the audience.

"But, that's all about to change." Doofenshmirtz whipped out a small, pink ray gun from seemingly nowhere. "Behold! The love-inator! One blast from this bad boy, and you'll instantly fall in love with the first person of the opposite gender that you see. I'm going to use it on a girl I like."

Perry smirked. "So, if it makes you fall for the _opposite_ gender, then does it affect homosexuals?"

Doof opened his mouth to reply, but closed it. "Hm. Good question, Perry the Platypus." He rubbed his chin in thought and looked up at the ceiling. "Does it affect... I-I guess homosexuals... Huh." A thought struck. "Hey, Perry the Platypus, why did you ask me that? Are you-"

He was interrupted by a punch in the face. He was knocked on to the floor with Perry on top of him in a battle stance.

"Oh," Doof exclaimed, "I get it. You asked me that to distract me. I-I certainly wasn't going to ask if you were gay, Perry the Platypus. Wait. Are you gay?" He waved his hands frantically at his nemesis' crossed arms and blank expression. "N-not that there's anything wrong with that-"

"I'm straight," Perry said simply.

He grabbed the love-inator, and it quickly turned into a game of tug-of-war, as the two of them fought over it. Suddenly, Doof accidentally pulled the trigger and blasted Perry into the wall.

Dazed and holding his head, Perry slowly stood up.

Doof sighed with relief. "It's a good thing you're straight, Perry the Platypus. 'Cause-'cause I'm the first person... Of course I-I don't really know if it would work on homosexuals, but... This... This is coming out kind of wierd, huh?"

"Yes," Perry answered. "Yes, it is."

The door opened. Vanessa Doofenshmirtz walked in.

"Hey, Dad." She nodded to the platypus staring at her with wide eyes. "Perry okay?"

Doof looked at Perry and panic surged through him. Vanessa, Doof's _daughter_, was the opposite gender to Perry.

"Perry the Platypus!" Doof exclaimed in horror. He turned to his daughter. "Vanessa! Perry can't see you! You have to leave the room! Now! Hurry!"

Vanessa just stared at him, then she looked at Perry.

Perry lowered his gaze, praying that his fedora would hide the fierce blush on his face. For someone related to Heinz Doofenshmirtz, she sure was beautiful.

Vanessa retreated to her room. "I don't want to know."

Doofenshmirtz gulped. "Uh, P-Perry the Platypus?"

Perry took the love-inator and snapped it over his knee. He started for Vanessa's room.

Doof stopped him. "Perry the Platypus, aren't you a little old to be interested in _my daughter_?"

"How old do you think I am?" Perry asked, offended.

"I don't know. Like, thirty-something?"

"I'm only a few years older than Vanessa. Well, platypus-years, anyway."

The two glared at one another, for a moment. Then, Doof pointed to the front door. "Get out."

Perry walked to the door. "I'll be back."

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus."

When Perry was gone, Norm appeared behind Doof and said, "AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT PERRY THE PLATYPUS LIKING VANESSA?"

"Hm..." Doof pondered this, then waved it off. "Nah. Perry the Platypus is, well, a platypus. Vanessa is a human. I doubt she'd even be remotely interested in him."

"BUT, SIR," Norm continued, "IT IS CURRENTLY PLATYPUS MATING SEASON."

"Well, of course it's platypus...mating...season..." Doofenshmirtz realized what that meant.

And, he didn't like it.

*The Flynn-Fletcher's Backyard*

Perry hated it. He couldn't stop thinking about Vanessa Doofenshmirtz - his _nemesis'_ daughter - and he hated it. To matters worse, it was platypus mating season. All he could think about was... He felt guilty thinking about that. Vanessa was too young, not to mention a human. He knew it was the love-inator's fault, but...

"The owner of that amusement sure appreciated the rubber Ferris wheel we made." Phineas' voice snapped Perry back to reality. "Oh, there you are, Perry."

Candace ran outside, dragging her mother behind her. Upon seeing the lack of Ferris wheel, Candace said, "But, but, but-"

"Who wants pie?" Linda asked, wanting to change the subject.

"We do!" Phineas, Ferb, and their friends all said at once, heading inside.

Candace sat on the grass, placing her chin on her palm. "I'll be in, when I'm done sulking."

Linda just rolled her eyes. "Okay." She went inside.

Perry sat down next to her, a mindless look on his face. His thoughts still whirled with images of Vanessa. Specifically, the two of them...

He hated it.

_*Doofenshmirtz Evil Cookie*_

Doofenshmirtz looked up at the ceiling in confusion. "Cookie? That makes less sense than the inexplicable giant-floating-baby-head!"

A familiar platypus jumped on him from out of nowhere, holding on to his shirt and looking him in the eyes angrily.

"Perry the Platypus!?" Doof exclaimed. "How unexpected! And, by unexpected, I...I really mean unexpected."

"Thanks to that love-whatsit-" Perry started.

Doof interrupted. "You mean love-_inator_."

"-I can't get Vanessa out of my mind! Are you aware that it's platypus mating season? 'Cause I really don't want to do _that_ with an under aged human!"

Doof pushed him off and held up a small light blue ray gun. "That's why I made this. I call it the just-friends- Wait. Let me do the exaggerated introduction. Behold! The just-friends-inator!"

"Great. Now, blast me."

He blasted Perry with it. Vanessa walked in. "Hey, Dad? Can I borrow the car?" She noticed the platypus in front of her. "Am I still not supposed to be in the same room as Perry?" she asked sarcastically.

Doofenshmirtz looked expectantly at Perry, who grinned and gave him a thumbs up. "It worked."

Doof threw his hands in air in excitement. "Yes! Now, my daughter isn't going to be forced into anything platypus-related!"

There was an awkward silence.

Vanessa broke it. "So... Can I borrow the car, or not?"

**The End**

* * *

**Please, vote on my poll. It will help me with this series. :)**


	9. He's No Guard Dog

**Summary: Perry protects his home from burglars.**

**This episode was inspired by the movie, "Home Alone."**

**You guys voted for this one, so I put it up. Most of it is a song. I own the majority of the song's lyrics.**

* * *

**He's No Guard Dog**

*The Flynn-Fletchers' Living Room*

"Come on, kids," Linda called. "We don't want to keep your aunt Rhonda waiting."

She and Lawrence were standing at the door, both of them holding a small travel bag.

Candace rushed to the door, smiling and carrying her own bag. "All set. I can't wait to sleep over at Aunt Rhonda's. Most people would think that it would be weird to have a sleepover at your aunt's place, but Aunt Rhonda's like a grown-up teenager. This'll be awesome!" Her mood quickly changed, as she realized that her busting-urge might get in the way. "Unless, of course, Phineas and Ferb decide to build an ice rink on Venus, or something."

"That's a great idea, Candace," Phineas said as he and Ferb came over, carrying their own bags. He looked at Ferb. "Write that down, Ferb. An ice rink on Venus."

Ferb took out a notepad and a pen from nowhere and wrote it down.

Candace face-palmed. "Great. Now, I'm giving them ideas."

"Oh, there you are, Perry," Phineas said as their platypus appeared. "You're just in time to come to Aunt Rhonda's house with us."

"Boys, it would seem that you've forgotten that your aunt doesn't like animals," Lawrence pointed out, "so I'm afraid that Perry will have to stay here."

"What?" Phineas exclaimed in dismay. "But, but, but-"

Candace pointed at him accusingly. "Hey, but-but-but-ing is my thing."

Phineas ignored her. "Are you _sure_ he has to stay here?"

"Sorry, Phineas," Linda said, "but you know how Aunt Rhonda is about rules, and the no-animals-rule is one of her biggest."

Phineas sighed. "Alright." He and Ferb knelt down beside Perry started petting him. "Don't worry, Perry. We promise we'll be home in the morning."

Perry chattered in response. He was upset that he couldn't go with them, but he was happy to have the house to himself, for once.

*Inside a Black Van, Nearby. Nightfall.*

Two men wearing cliché burglar outfits were sitting in a van. One was skinny and watching the Flynn-Fletchers through binoculars as they drove away. The other was quite muscular.

The skinny one chuckled lightly. "Looks like those guys finally left." He turned to his partner. "Ready, Ernie?"

"Why are we robbing this house, again, Nigel?" Ernie asked.

"Because that's where Phineas and Ferb live," Nigel answered. "You know, the kids who build impossible stuff? With all they build, they must be loaded."

"Loaded with what?"

"Money, you idiot." He nodded to the house. "Come on. Let's grab that cash and hit the road."

Ernie scratched his head. "Hit the road with what?"

"_This_ is why Mom likes me best."

*The Kitchen*

Perry took some fresh popcorn out of the microwave and headed into the living room. He saw the two burglars enter through the back door, and dropped into pet-mode.

Ernie noticed the platypus and frowned. "Hey, Nigel, look. You want me to crush it?"

Nigel glanced at Perry and shook his head. "Nah. It's just a platypus. Those things don't do much. Now, I believe we have a building to rob?"

Perry was hardly surprised to hear that. These people were obviously criminals. He had to do something.

The music started. **(This song is to the tune of **_**Good Girls Go Bad**_** by Cobra Starship.)**

-Perry-

_I know you're types, your types. _(Nigel and Ernie stare at Perry, for he was now on two feet and singing.)

_You're a brain and a brute. _(He points to Nigel - the brain - and Ernie - the brute.)

_Now, you'll lose a fight, a fight. _(He uses his tail to knock them off their feet.)

_Against something furry and cute. _(A close-up of Perry's face, his eyes twinkling.)

_'Cause this one night's gonna go so wrong. _(Nigel and Ernie stand up and back away slowly.)

_I'm gonna make you flee the scene. _(Nigel and Ernie run to the kitchen.)

_I will stop...you. _(Perry holding a microphone, while singing in front of a colorful backdrop.)

_You'll regret...doing this. _(Him holding a microphone, while singing in front of a colorful backdrop, but from a different angle.)

* * *

_You're never gonna get away with this. _(Perry searches the kitchen.)

_You're never gonna get away with this. _(He hears a sneeze coming from under the sink.)

_I was told never to show that I am not mindless._ (He opens the under sink cabinet and pulls Nigel out from inside.)

_But, I knew that you were trouble, so I couldn't resist. _(Perry pinches Nigel shoulder, and Nigel loses consciousness.)

_You're never gonna get away with this. _(He opens the fridge.)

_You're never gonna get away. _(Ernie falls out of the fridge.)

_Never gonna get away with this._ (He pinches Ernie's shoulder, and Ernie looses consciousness.)

* * *

_I know your types, your types. _(Perry drags Nigel next to Ernie.)

_Boys, you're dangerous. _(Perry whips out his hat and pulls a rope out of it.)

_Yeah, you're the guys, the guys. _(Perry starts tying them together with the rope.)

_I'd be stupid to trust. _(He finishes tying them up.)

_And this one night's gonna go so wrong. _(He sings, while bobbing to the music.)

_Now, I'm going to call the cops. _(Perry whips out a cell phone and starts dialing it.)

_I will stop...you. _(Perry holding a microphone, while singing in front of a colorful backdrop.)

_You'll regret...doing this. _(Him holding a microphone, while singing in front of a colorful backdrop, but from a different angle.)

* * *

_You're never gonna get away with this. _(A police officer answers the phone.)

_You're never gonna get away with this. _(The officer directs some other policemen to leave.)

_I was told never to show that I am not mindless. _(Police cars drive down the road.)

_But, I knew that you were trouble, so I couldn't resist. _(Nigel and Ernie wake up.)

_You're never gonna get away with this. _(They see Perry singing and leaning smugly against the wall.)

_You're never gonna get away. _(Perry tips his hat.)

_Never gonna get away with this. _(Perry exits.)

* * *

The music stopped, and Ernie asked, "Why are we tied up?"

"A platypus parodied a Cobra Starship song," Nigel exclaimed, "and _that's_ what confuses you?"

* * *

Nigel was saying frantically, "I'm telling you, that platypus tied us up! It's evil!"

"Platypuses don't do much," a police officer responded.

Perry watched from the window in triumph, as the police drove off with the burglars.

He yawned. "I wonder if the boys had a night as eventful, and or musical, as mine. I'm sure I'll hear all about it in the morning."

*The Backyard. Morning.*

Phineas, Ferb, and Perry were sitting under the tree.

Phineas was telling Perry about what he and Ferb made. "And so, in conclusion, Venus is _the_ place to ice skate. Oh, I wish you could've seen Aunt Rhonda, Perry! She was amazing on the ice!" He looked at Ferb. "That was a great idea Candace had. It was the coolest ice rink, ever!"

"And, the hottest," Ferb responded.

"Yes, Ferb," Phineas chuckled. "And, the hottest."

**The End**

* * *

**You like? I won't do a song for every episode. Just if I think one up.**


	10. Truth Be Told (Part One)

**Summary: Doofenshmirtz's inator hits Phineas, causing him to tell Isabella something he doesn't really mean.**

**Phinabella episode! It even has two parts!**

* * *

**Truth Be Told (Part One)**

*Backyard*

"Hey, Phineas," Isabella greeted happily, as she strolled over to Phineas, who was looking at a blueprint. "Whatcha do-_in_!" She tripped over Perry and landed into Phineas's arms, blushing. "Uh, s-sorry."

She stood up and sheepishly brushed herself off.

Phineas smiled. "Careful, Isabella. Perry can appear just as quickly as he can disappear."

Perry harshly pushed Isabella's leg with his head, causing her to jerk forward. Her nose pressed against Phineas's, and she blushed again. Her heart pounded, and she took a step back, feeling a little embarrassed and praying that Phineas didn't notice the reddening in her cheeks.

Phineas just chuckled at Perry. "Somebody's feeling mischievous, today, huh, Perry?"

The platypus just chattered in response, mentally rolling his eyes at his owner's obliviousness.

"S-so, um," Isabella stuttered, "what are you doing?"

Phineas showed her the blueprint. "We're gonna make human-sized hamster balls." He looked around. "Hey, where are Perry and Ferb?"

Ferb was hiding at the side of the house and holding Perry up to his own face.

"I know why you did that, you sneaky little monotreme," Ferb told him. He glanced back at the two under the tree. "They would make a lovely couple. A shame that Phineas never seems to notice-" He realized that his hands were empty. "Hey, where's Perry?"

_*Doofenshmirtz Waiting Patiently*_

"Ugh!" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed in annoyance. "Why did I test my new inator on the jingle, anyway? I am _not_ waiting patiently," he pointed to the ceiling, "and you jingle-guys know it!"

He heard a _fwip_ and grinned evilly, when he saw his nemesis glaring at him, while trapped in a sock.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus," he said. "How unexpected. And, by unexpected, I mean, uh - well, you know the rest. So, let's get down to business. Remember in the _Phineas and Ferb_ episode, 'Let's Bounce,' when I had that whole musical number about how lies are glue that holds society together? Well, I realized that lies can also ruin society. For instance:"

The music began. **(This is to the tune of **_**Dancing Crazy**_** by Miranda Cosgrove.)**

* * *

-Doofenshmirtz-

_You get a feeling that the truth would probably hurt. _(Spotlight on Doof, as he sings into a microphone.)

_So, you tell a lie just to cover up the facts. _(He stands beside Perry, who continues glaring.)

_But, then, you realize that you have to cover up. _(Doof bobs to the music.)

_The lie that you told, so you must tell another lie. _(Continues bobbing.)

_The. Lies. You keep telling them. _(He wraps his arm around the trap, and sees that it's empty.)

_Perry, you escaped, again? _(He turns around and sees Agent P running towards a large, navy blue inator.)

_Hey! Hey! Where ya going? _(Doof runs after Perry and grabs his tail, stopping him. Perry looks up at him.)

_Since when do you destroy things, while I'm singing?_ (Doofenshmirtz crosses his arms angrily.)

-Perry-

_Hey. Doc. Your song is cute. _(Perry points at Doofenshmirtz while bobbing to the music.)

_But, I believe I've got a job to do. _(Perry runs to the inator.)

-Doofenshmirtz-

_Whoa! Whoa! You get back here! _(He runs after Perry.)

_So, I can smack you into next year!_ (Agent P jumps onto the inator, but Doof pulls him off.)

* * *

-Perry and Doofenshmirtz-

(The next few lines are the two of them in a karate match.)

_You and I are fighting, fighting crazy._

_And, we'll never stop._

_We'll never stop._

(The next few lines are them in a boxing match.)

_You and I are fighting, fighting crazy._

_Put your defenses up._

_Defenses up._

* * *

_I hate you, and you hate me. _(They point to each other and then, themselves. Behind them is a bright purple backdrop.)

_I'm certain that I'll beat you, you'll see._ (They glare at each other. The background doesn't change.)

_Did ya hear me say that? _(They pull out megaphones.)

_Did ya, did ya, did ya hear me say that? _(They sing into the megaphones.)

-Perry-

_As always, I'll thwart your plan. _(A montage of Perry destroying inators.)

-Doofenshmirtz-

_Go on. Try it. See if you can._ (A montage of Doof showing off inators.)

-Perry and Doofenshmirtz-

_Did ya hear me say that? _(They sing into megaphones.)

_Did ya, did ya, did ya hear me say that? _(Doofenshmirtz slams his megaphone on top of Perry. The megaphone breaks, but part of it is wrapped around Perry, making him unable to move his arms.)

* * *

"Well, that was fun," Doofenshmirtz said. "We should do that again, some time."

Perry rolled his eyes in response.

"Now, on to my scheme-"

"Oh, brother," Perry interrupted.

Doofenshmirtz had had enough of his nemesis's interruptions. He put his hands on his hips. "Do you mind? I'm just getting to the good part. It's really quite a shocker."

Perry gave him a bored look. "It's so obvious. You realized that lies cause problems, so you've built an inator that makes people lie, and you're going to shoot your brother with it. Of course, knowing you, it probably has some side effect, like catching people's pants on fire or something. So, Doc, how'd I do?"

"You're...in the ball park..." Doof cleared his throat, then he gestured to the inator from the song. "Behold! The pants-on-fire-inator! It- Actually, you already figured out what it does. Did the song make it that obviou-" He was interrupted by a punch in the face. "Perry the Platypus, how did you escape?"

He dodged, when Perry tried to land another blow. Agent P ended up punching the inator, which fired somewhere.

*The Kitchen*

Candace - wearing a white top and blue jeans - was standing behind Linda, who was putting groceries in the fridge.

"Mom," she said. A green ray came from outside the window and hit her. "Phineas and Ferb are not doing anything unusual in backyard."

"Good to know, honey," Linda said, as she walked off-screen.

Candace blinked in realization. "Why did I say that?"

Her pants spontaneously combusted, and she ran in a circle, screaming.

*Back at D.E.I.*

Doof tried to land a blow at Perry, but the platypus ran between his legs, hit the self-destruct button on the pants-on-fire-inator, and hang-glided off the balcony. The inator fired somewhere then exploded.

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Doof exclaimed.

*The Backyard*

"That girl with the pig sure appreciated those human-sized hamster balls," Phineas commented.

Isabella was nervously twirling her hair. She vowed that this would be the day she told Phineas that she liked him. But, how to do it...?

Phineas jolted her out of her thoughts. "You okay, Isabella?"

"Y-yeah, I was just-just thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Phineas," she began, her eyes still closed, "do you... Do you like me?"

Phineas opened his mouth to answer, then a green ray came from out of nowhere and hit him. "No," he said. Isabella's eyes shot open. "Not even as a friend."

Isabella's heart broke. Not sure of what else to do, she walked off-screen, her eye twitching.

When she was gone, Phineas blinked in realization. "Why did I say that?"

His pants spontaneously combusted, and Ferb blasted them with a fire extinguisher. The origin of which was unknown.

**To Be Continued...**

* * *

**There were two allusions to cartoons in this episode. If you can guess one, you'll get a shout-out. If you can guess both, I'll put an inator of your choice in an episode! (I'll PM you, if you get both right.)**

**Hints: One cartoon is on Nickelodeon and the other is on Disney Channel.**

**Allusion One: "Oh, brother." "Do you mind? I'm just getting to the good part. It's really quite a shocker." "It's so obvious. You realized that lies cause problems, so you've built an inator that makes people lie, and you're going to shoot your brother with it. Of course, knowing you, it probably has some side effect, like catching people's pants on fire or something. So, Doc, how'd I do?" "You're...in the ball park..."**

**Allusion Two: "That girl with the pig sure appreciated those human-sized hamster balls."**


	11. Truth Be Told (Part Two)

**Summary: Phineas panics about what he said to Isabella. Meanwhile, Perry has a plan to help him out.**

**Shout-out to toystorylover.**

**Inators will be rewarded to krikanalo, Phineasrules69, and Meagan Snow.**

**The allusions were _Penguins of Madagascar_ and _Gravity Falls_.**

**Phineasrules69's inator is in this episode.**

* * *

**Truth Be Told (Part Two)**

*Backyard*

"So, to recap for you guys on fanfiction," Phineas said to the audience, "I told Isabella I didn't like her." He looked at Ferb in a panic. "Why would I say that!?"

Ferb placed a comforting hand on his stepbrother's shoulder. "In your defense, you _were_ hit by a random green ray from the sky."

"You're right!" Phineas exclaimed. He looked down at his charred shorts. "That would explain why my pants caught on fire, after I lied to her."

A familiar platypus came up behind him and chattered.

Phineas was too distressed to notice. "What am I gonna do, Ferb? Thanks to that stupid ray from the sky," Perry's eyes widened at this, "I've hurt her feelings!" Phineas shook his fist angrily at the sky. "Curse you, random green ray from the sky!"

Ferb smirked knowingly.

The red-head just looked at him. "Why are you looking at me like- No! I know what you're thinking, and I am _not_ in love with Isabella!" He realized too late that his cheeks were now bright red.

Perry wasn't paying much attention, after that. _What are the odds that Doc's inator would even come _near_ Phineas and Ferb?_ He wondered. _I guess it doesn't matter. It was definitely the pants-on-fire-inator. What else could Phineas be talking about?_

"Besides," Phineas continued, "even if I _did_ feel that way about Isabella - which I _don't_ - I wouldn't worry too much. It's not like Isabella feels that way about me." Ferb face-palmed, and Phineas looked around and said, "Hey, where's Perry?"

_*Doofenshmirtz Watching Television*_

Doofenshmirtz was sitting on the couch, watching _Horse in a Bookcase_, when the doorbell rang. Thinking it was the pizza guy, he called, "Coming," and didn't move.

He figured, if he waited until the thirty minutes were up, he'd get his pizza for free.

An irritated, "I'm not the pizza guy," came from behind the door.

At this, Doof walked to the door and opened it. He certainly wasn't expecting the agent behind it.

"Perry the Platypus!?" he exclaimed. "How unanticipated! And, by unanticipated, I mean...unanticipated. What are you doing here?"

"Doc," Perry began, ignoring the question, "I need a favor."

Doof was suspicious. "What's in it, for me?"

"What do you want that isn't evil?"

Doofenshmirtz thought about it. "There's this girl, who's totally oblivious to my attempts to flirt with her-"

Perry put his hand up in a 'stop' motion. "Say no more. A friend of mine is having a similar problem..."

*Backyard*

"For the last time, I _don't _have a crush on Isabella!" Phineas stated firmly, crossing his arms. He turned his back to Ferb, so Ferb wouldn't see the fierce blush on his face. "She doesn't like me like that, anyway."

Ferb started banging his head on the tree in frustration.

*D.E.I.*

"You know, Perry the Platypus," Doof commented, marveling at the small, stationary laser, "building inators takes up a lot less time, when you have a partner. I'm gonna call it the non-oblivious-inator."

Perry rolled his eyes. "It doesn't matter what it's called, as long as it works."

"I never thought about it, like that." Doof pointed it in one direction. "Now, to shoot it at-" Agent P pointed it in another. "Perry the Platypus, why are you pointing it at the suburbs?"

"You said you'd do me a favor," Perry answered. "We'll blast your little crush, after we blast my owner."

"Fine. Wait, I thought you said it was your friend?"

"Potato, potahto."

*Backyard*

"Ferb," Phineas said in confusion, "why are you rolling your eyes?" He put his hands in front of him. "Never mind. Let's just try to figure how I can apologize to Isabella." A green ray hit him, and everything suddenly became clear. Phineas gasped. "Isabella has a crush on me!"

*Somewhere in Danville*

A pretty girl with long, wavy brown hair was glaring at Doofenshmirtz. "You like me?" She scoffed, "Oh, come on. I'm obviously _way_ out of your league."

Doofenshmirtz frowned at this. He and Perry the Platypus had blasted her for nothing.

*Isabella's House*

Phineas rang the doorbell, a nervous smile on his face. Isabella opened the door, and Phineas's heart lurched, when he noticed that her eyes were red and puffy. She had obviously been crying.

Isabella avoided his gaze. "Oh. Whatcha doin' here, Phineas?"

Phineas knew what to do. He kissed her on the cheek, and she froze. Phineas _kissed _her! She couldn't believe it!

"So, see you tomorrow, Isabella?" he asked, as if nothing had just happened.

Unable to speak, Isabella nodded.

"Cool." Phineas walked away and waved goodbye. "See ya."

When he was off-screen, Isabella fainted.

**The End**

* * *

**Phinabella rules! XD**


	12. So, You Think You Candace?

**Summary: Doofenshmirtz's inator produces a chibi-version of Candace that has an exaggerated version of her personality.**

**The chib-inator belongs to krikanalo.**

* * *

**So, You Think You Candace?**

*Candace's Room*

"I'm kind of worried, Stacy," Candace, lying on her bed, said over the phone. "Today's mine and Jeremy's first anniversary, and my busting urge might end up getting in the way of celebrating."

"Well, nothing says you _have_ to bust your brothers," Stacy said reassuringly.

Candace could hardly believe her ears. "Stacy, do you even know me?"

"Oh, right," Stacy stated. She still couldn't believe her best friend hadn't given up on that, yet. "Well, why don't you ask Phineas and Ferb to take a day off from inventing?"

Candace sat up. "You think they'd do that?"

"Probably. I mean, they do want you to be happy, don't they?"

"Yes." Candace said, smiling. "Yes, they do."

*Backyard*

"Wow, Ferb," Phineas was saying happily to his step-brother, as the two of them sat under the tree. "England has such a vast and long-winded history."

Candace walked up to them, her hands on her hips. "Alright, you two, listen up."

"Hey, Candace," Phineas greeted. "Ferb was just telling me about the history of England."

Candace waved him off. "Yeah, yeah, sounds great. Look, I have to get ready for my first anniversary as Jeremy's girlfriend, so I need absolutely no distractions. As in, _no inventing_. Even asking where Perry is is distracting. Got it?"

Phineas nodded. "Got it. We have yet to decide what to do, today, anyway."

*Agent P's Lair*

Major Monogram appeared on the screen. "Ah, there you are, Agent P. Our sources tell us that Doofenshmirtz has been seen buying an unusually large amount of shoe laces. We have two theories as to why this is. Either, he's got, like, a million pairs of tennis shoes that don't have laces, or he's up to something evil. Odds are that it's the second one. Go get 'im, Agent P."

Agent P saluted, then ran to his hoverjet.

Monogram frantically shouted, "Wait! The hoverjet," when Agent P got in the hoverjet, it the dashboard on the front exploded, leaving the platypus covered in ash, "doesn't...work..."

Agent P blinked twice. "Well, that happened."

"That your catchphrase, or something?"

"Yes. Yes it is."

_*Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated*_

Perry used a goat as a battering ram, in order to knock down the door.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz walked up to them. "Perry the Platypus? And...some goat?"

The goat looked at Perry. "Is that all ya need?" he asked blankly.

"Yeah, I'm good." Perry replied.

The goat walked off.

"Well, uh," Doofenshmirtz said awkwardly, "you're kind of early. I-I haven't decided on an inator, yet." He motioned his nemesis to follow him. "Come on. I'll show you."

They walked to the balcony, and Doofenshmirtz showed Perry his two inators. The first one looked a little like a camera with a laser where the lens should have been. "This is my chib-inator, which produces a small clone with an exaggerated personality of whoever it hits." The other one was quite large and looked somewhat threatening. "And, this is my teleport-inator. It makes anything it hits teleport to somewhere else. I'm not sure where, but..." He thought about, then grinned. "Now that I say it aloud, it should really be the second one." He pulled out a remote control and pressed a button.

Perry was instantly wrapped up in shoe laces.

"And, now that you're tied up in shoe laces," Doof said, "I'll just-" He was interrupted by a punch in the face. "Seriously? You've _already_ escaped? Wait, wait, what are you-"

Perry pushed the chib-inator off the balcony, and it fired somewhere.

Doof screamed, "No!" then shrugged. "Oh, well. I wasn't using that one, today, anyway."

*Candace's Room*

Candace was seated at her vanity, brushing her hair, when a green ray came out of nowhere and hit her.

"What was that?" she wondered aloud.

She heard a high-pitched "Hey, girlfriend!" from somewhere and looked around.

"I'm, like, down here," the voice said.

Candace looked down at a small, chibi-version of herself **(a chibi is a cute, little anime character. Look it up, people.)**. She screamed.

Chibi-Candace grinned. "OMG! It is, like, _so_ your, like, anniversary with, like, Jeremy! Why aren't you, like, ready yet?"

*Backyard*

"What do you, suppose Perry does, when he disappears?" Phineas asked his step-brother, who shrugged in response.

"Phineas and Ferb!" Candace stormed up to them, Chibi-Candace at her side. "I thought I told you two _not_ to invent anything!"

The step-brothers glanced at one another in confusion. "We didn't," Phineas told his sister.

Candace angrily pointed to Chibi-Candace. "Then where did _this_ come from?"

Chibi-Candace put her hands on her hips in annoyance. "_This_? Uh, I am, like, so not a _this_. I'm, like, totally, a, like, _her_."

Phineas's eyes lit up. "Cool! You have a tiny you!"

Candace stomped her foot. "I don't want a tiny me! It acts like a stereotypical teenager, which is so annoying!"

"Don't you act like a stereotypical teenager?" Ferb asked.

"Not to _this_ extent!"

Chibi-Candace twirled her hair with hand and rested the other on her hip. "OMG. You guys are, like, so, totally, like, busted for, like, creating me with, like, whatever you, like, built." She looked up at Candace with a mischievous smirk. "Girlfriend, why don't you, like, get ready for Jeremy, and I'll, like, find Mom?"

*D.E.I.*

Agent P and Dr. Doofenshmirtz were using wrenches as swords. Perry suddenly threw his wrench at the teleport-inator and broke it. It sparked, fired somewhere, then exploded.

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Doof exclaimed.

*Backyard*

Candace was cackling. "That's a great idea, tiny-me!"

A green ray hit Chibi-Candace, and she vanished.

Candace threw her hands up in frustration. "Sure! Why not!?"

A familiar platypus walked up to them and chattered.

Phineas looked down at him and said, "Oh, there you are, Perry."

*In Front of a Random Building*

A familiar woman was scolding a familiar man.

"I can't believe you opened a Chibi Museum," the woman exclaimed, "but you don't have any chibis! What the heck is a chibi, anyway?"

Chibi-Candace appeared between them.

"There's one," the man said, pointing at the chibi.

"How did I, like, get here?" Chibi-Candace asked to no one in particular.

**The End**

* * *

**Meagan Snow's inator will be used, next. ;)**

**Also, whoever guesses the cartoon that uses a goat as a battering ram gets a shout-out in the next episode.**


	13. Humanized

**Summary: Perry dreams about being a human. In the dream, Doofenshmirtz attempts another "manlier-by-comparison scheme."**

**The pink-frilly-bow-inator belongs to Meagan Snow, who is the last of the inator-winners.**

**Also, no one correctly guessed the goat-battering-ram. The answer was _Back at the Barnyard_.**

* * *

**Humanized**

*Phineas and Ferb's Bedroom*

The boys were in their pajamas and tired, after a hard day's work. Perry, too, was exhausted.

"Ah," Phineas sighed blissfully. "Another day seized."

Ferb nodded in agreement. Perry yawned.

Phineas patted his pet's head. "Sounds like we're not the only ones who had a busy day, Ferb."

Perry chattered.

"Hey, Ferb," Phineas said, as the three of them crawled into bed, Perry curling up beside Phineas, "what do you think," he imitated Perry's chatter, "means?" Ferb shrugged. "It's a shame that animal translator we made, a while back, didn't work on Perry. To bad the little guy can't talk like a human." He shrugged. "Oh, well." He laid his head on his pillow and draped his arm over Perry. "G'night, gang."

"Good night," Ferb said.

Perry chattered. A close-up of him is shown, and the screen fades to a song playing in Perry's dream. **(This song is a parody of Perry's theme song. In it, he is a muscular human with teal hair that just reaches his shoulders. He's wearing a teal T-shirt, an unbuttoned brown jacket, khaki pants, orange tennis shoes, and - of course - his fedora. Basically, the video is the same as the original, unless stated otherwise.)**

* * *

-Male Singer-

_Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-ba (x4)_

-Female Singers-

_Perry!_

-Male Singer-

_He's a bold and courageous 20-year-old man of action._

_Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-ba (x2)_

_He's a clever secret agent, in a platypus's dre-ee-eam._

_This man's as sharp as a tack._ (Perry is shown doing complex math problems on a chalk board.)

_And, he's not afraid to strike back._ (He is shown punching Doofenshmirtz.)

_And, the women swoon, whenever they hear him say,_

-Perry-

Hey. *women faint*

* * *

-Male Singer-

_He's Perry!_

_Perry Platnis!_

-Major Monogram-

But, you can call him Agent P.

-Male Singer-

_Perry!_

-Major Monogram-

I said you can call him Agent P.

-Male and Female Singers-

_Agent P!_

* * *

*Dream Backyard*

Phineas and Ferb sat under their tree, wondering what they were going to do, that day, when a certain teal-haired man walked through the gate.

"G'day, boys," he greeted.

The boys ran over and hugged him. He hugged back.

"There you are, Perry!" Phineas exclaimed. "We were wondering when you're next visit would be!"

Perry ruffled his hair. "Well, I've been a little busy."

Phineas was confused. "But, you're a contractor. They don't do much."

"I do more than you think," Perry muttered playfully. His watch beeped, and he glanced down at it. "Speaking of doing things, I've got to head to work."

Phineas frowned. "But, you just got here."

Perry gave the boys a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, mates. I'll be back right after work. Until then, Dream-Perry is out." He flashed two fingers. "Peace."

Perry walked over to a hop-scotch on the sidewalk, put on a fedora, and starting hopping on it.

A little boy came to him, and Perry paused as the boy asked, "Aren't you a little old for hop-scotch?"

"Yes," Perry told him. "Yes, I am."

He finished hopping, and the hop-scotch opened up. Perry fell through it. He slid down a tube and landed in a tiny chair, which crushed under his weight. He noticed that his entire lair was smaller than usual!

Major Monogram appeared on the small screen. "Greetings, Agent P. Sorry about the platypus-sized lair. It seems that someone was messing with a shrink ray. We have no idea who, but we intend to find out."

"Mm-hm," Agent P nodded blankly. "You did it, didn't you?"

"Like I said," Monogram countered, "we don't know who did it. Now, on to your mission. Doofenshmirtz is up to something. Go stop him."

Agent P saluted.

*Dream Backyard*

"Hey, Phineas," Isabella greeted. She wasn't wearing her usual bow. "Whatcha doin'?"

"We don't know," Phineas answered. "It's Perry's dream. Hey, where's your bow?"

"Not sure. But, like you said, it's Perry's dream."

"Yes. Yes, it is."

_*Doofenshmirtz in Agent P's Dream*_

Perry flew his hoverjet on to Doofenshmirtz's balcony and jumped out of it, landing in a battle stance.

"Ah, Perry Platnis," Doofenshmirtz sneered. "I don't actually have a trap ready so... Would you mind just...standing there and pretending to be trapped?"

In response, Perry sighed and crossed his arms, annoyed.

Doof showed off a small, pink ray with red hearts on it. "Behold! The pink-frilly-bow-inator! I know it's kinda girly-looking but-but it fits the theme of the inator. I believe I've told you about when I had to wear dresses in public? Well, that back-story inspired this inator. It turns whatever it hits into, well, a pink frilly bow. This will make me seem manlier by comparison! Any questions?"

"Yes," Perry said, disturbed. He pointed behind his nemesis. "Why is there a giant floating baby head behind you?"

Doofenshmirtz glanced at the baby head behind him and shrugged. "I don't know. It's your dream." He waved the baby head away. "Shoo! Go be inexplicable somewhere else!"

The baby head floated away, making gurgling sounds, but it's happy expression didn't change.

Doof turned around. "Now that that's taken care of-"

Perry kicked him into his inator, which fired somewhere, then exploded.

"Perry Platnis," Doof exclaimed, "how did you escape?"

Perry deadpanned. "Seriously?"

"Oh, right." As Perry took off in his hoverjet, Doof shouted, "Curse you, Perry Platnis!"

*Dream Backyard*

Candace was outside, her mother next to her, shouting at her brothers and their friends. "Where's the giant floating baby head?"

"A ray from the sky hit it, and it turned into a pink, frilly bow," Phineas said, as though it was the most normal thing in the world (which, for them, it was), "so we gave it to Isabella."

Isabella nodded. She was wearing the bow, which was more frilly than her usual one. "It's the strangest thing I've ever been given."

"Oh, you kids and your imaginations," Linda cooed. "Now, who wants pie?"

Perry appeared, no longer wearing a fedora. "What I miss?"

Phineas smiled at him. "Oh, there you are, Perry. We captured a giant floating baby head, but it turned into pink, frilly bow."

"Did it, now?"

*Bedroom (No Longer in Perry's Dream)*

Perry woke up. He sleepily hopped off Phineas's bed and crawled over to Ferb's. He nuzzled himself beside Ferb, who draped an arm around the platypus.

**The End**

* * *

**There are a few references to PnF episodes.**

**Animal translator: "Interview with a Platypus"**

**Contractors not doing much: "Thaddeus and Thor"**

**Doof wearing dresses: "Gaming the System"**

**Perry switching beds: "Oh, There You Are, Perry"**


	14. To Speak, or Not to Speak?

**Summary: The gang teaches foreign languages. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz has laryngitis and plans to give it to everyone else.**

* * *

**To Speak, or Not to Speak?**

*Living Room*

Phineas and Ferb sat on the couch, watching television. The characters were speaking Spanish.

"It's a good thing we speak Spanish, huh, Ferb?" Phineas asked.

Ferb nodded.

After a moment, Phineas said, "But, what about people who _don't_ speak Spanish? Or other languages, for that matter?"

"Phineas," Ferb said, "I know what we're going to do, today."

"Don't steal my line," his stepbrother said playfully. A pause, then, "Speaking of lines, where's Perry?"

*Phineas and Ferb's Room*

Agent P took a book from his boys' bookshelf and opened it on the floor. He jumped in the book, and it closed instantly.

He landed in his chair and turned on his monitor.

Major Monogram appeared on it, but he was speaking to his intern off-screen. "Why would they air Spanish TV shows in America? It's not like anyone around here speaks Spanish."

"Actually, sir," Carl said, still off-screen, "I can speak Spanish pretty well-"

MM glanced down at the platypus in front of him. "Not now, Carl. Agent P is here." He cleared his throat. "Agent P, it seems that Dr. Doofenshmirtz - brace yourself for this - has not said a single word since yesterday."

Agent P's eyes widened. Talking seemed like the only thing his nemesis ever did! "Are we still talking about _my_ nemesis?"

"I know. It _is_ highly unusual for him. We need you to find out why he stopped talking and, uh, I guess...put a stop to it... Good luck, Agent P."

Agent P saluted.

*D.E.I.*

Perry, wearing his jetpack, flew to the oddly shaped building. He looked around, puzzled. "Hey, where's the jingle?"

He crashed through his nemesis's ceiling, and a book with a platypus-sized hole through it locked itself around him, locking his arms to his sides. **(I'd like to thank the book, **_**Gone**_** by Michael Grant, for giving me the idea for this trap.)**

Doofenshmirtz walked up to him, scowling. He waved half-heartedly, then walked off-screen.

Perry blinked in utter shock. "That's it? You're just gonna trap me? No back story? No rambling about things that aren't even relevant? Who are you, and what have you done with my eccentric-idiot-of-a-nemesis?"

*Backyard*

Several people were in the Flynn-Fletcher's backyard. They sat at different tables, each one across from either Phineas, Ferb, or one of their friends (including Irving).

"Phineas!" Candace yelled, storming up to her brother, who was across from Carl. "What are you up to?"

"He's teaching me how to speak Japanese," Carl said.

Candace glared at him. "Was I talking to you?"

Carl sunk down in his seat, suddenly nervous. "N-No. No, you weren't."

Candace returned her attention to her brother. "What are you up to?"

Phineas smiled. "We're teaching foreign languages."

The screen showed Ferb at a table with Major Monogram.

MM seemed exasperated. "Kid, you're talking _way_ too fast. How am I suppose to learn Spanish if you keep talking too fast for me to even _begin_ understanding you?"

Back to Candace, Carl, and Phineas.

Candace said, "I'm telling Mom," then stormed off-screen.

*D.E.I.*

Doofenshmirtz was pointing to his mouth, attempting to communicate with charades.

Perry was guessing. "Uh, tongue? Mouth? Pointing? Eye-roll... Head in hands... Frustration! You're frustrated, because you're too stupid to realize that, if you can't talk, for whatever reason, you can just _write it down, moron_."

Doof raised his head and facepalmed, feeling stupid. He grabbed a notepad and a pencil from nearby and wrote something down. He showed it to Perry.

"You have laryngitis? Wow. That's pretty ironic." Doof nodded in agreement, then tapped on the notepad, indicating that Perry should continue reading.

He did, then summed it up. "So, basically, if I've interpreting this rambling correctly, you've built a 'laryngitis-inator,' so everyone else will have laryngitis, too?"

Doof nodded. Grinning evilly, he went over to a large, laser-like device, and a webbed foot knocked him over. Perry pressed the self-destruct button, and the inator exploded.

Doof grabbed the notepad and pencil and wrote something. He showed it to Perry. The notepad read, 'Curse you, Perry the Platypus!'

Perry smirked. "I think I like you better, this way. We get things done faster, and you say less pointless stuff."

Doof glared at him, then wrote something else. He showed it to Perry, but the audience couldn't see what it said.

Perry glared at him. "Doctor, there's no call for that kind of language."

*Backyard*

"Look! Look! Look!" Candace screamed, dragging her mother into the backyard. People were still there with the kids.

Linda blinked in surprise. "Boys, what are all these people doing here?"

"We're teaching them foreign languages," Phineas answered cheerfully.

"And, they're really good at it," Carl told her.

Candace was giggling. She had them now!

To her dismay, Linda smiled. "I must say, I'm impressed."

"What!?" Candace exclaimed. "But they- O-okay. I'll admit it's not the _most_ bustable thing they've ever done..."

Carl recognized the platypus that came up to him and who looked up at him in surprise. Not wanting to blow Agent P's cover, Carl said, "Hey, look. A platypus..."

"Oh, there you are, Perry," Phineas greeted.

**The End**

* * *

**Frankly, I'm surprised Doof hasn't had laryngitis on the show, yet. :P**


	15. Jurassic Platypus

**Summary: When Doofenshmirtz's inator brings a pterodactyl back to life, Perry gets taken by it. Phineas, Ferb, and Candace meet up with Doofenshmirtz, and the four of them team-up to rescue Perry.**

**This is a special episode and was based off of my favorite episode of _Gravity Falls_, "The Land Before Swine."**

* * *

**Jurassic Platypus**

*Backyard*

Phineas and Ferb were sitting under their tree, when Phineas sighed and said, "I'm so bored. Are you bored, Ferb?"

Ferb nodded.

"Ugh. I hate boredom. It's just so...boring. I wish something interesting would happen."

Perry crawled up to them in pet-mode.

"Oh, there you are, Perry. Did you do anything interesting this morning, boy?"

Perry chattered in response.

Phineas stared at him, then looked at his step-brother. "Well, he's a platypus. They don't do much."

Candace came outside and sat next to Phineas, seeming just as bored as they were.

"Hey, Candace. Whatcha doin'?"

Candace replied with, "Just waiting for you two to do something bust-worthy." She shrugged. "I've got nothing better to do."

"Well, at least _you_ know what you're gonna do-" the heard a loud, gravelly screech "-today?"

The four of them looked up and were utterly shocked at what they saw. What appeared to be a pterodactyl was flying close to their house.

Candace glared at her brothers accusingly. "Did you guys bring a dinosaur back to life?"

"No," Phineas answered, "but it would have been cool to."

Candace blinked in surprise. "But-but-but, if you guys didn't do it, then who-" She noticed that Perry had begun rippling and pointed at him. "Does Perry know we can't see flashbacks?"

_*Perry's Flashback*_

_Agent P was tied to a chair, glaring at his nemesis._

_Doofenshmirtz showed him a large device. "Behold! The revival-inator! And, what will I do with this inator, you ask? Well, you remember Only Son, right? My father's award-winning show dog? Do you remember that back story?"_

_Agent P didn't respond._

_Doof glared at him. "Fine. Be that way. Any who, I'm going to use this inator to revive Only Son and enter him in the Danville Dog Show, and I will totally win! Of course, Only Son is buried in Drusselstein, and the inator is here in America... Huh. I guess I should have thought this through, more. Perry the Platypus, how did you escape?"_

_"Doc," Agent P - who was no longer trapped - said, "you have the I.Q. of a T-rex."_

_Doof smiled. "Why, thank you-"_

_"You realize a T-rex's brain is no bigger than a mindless chicken's?"_

_"Oh, so you're insulting me?"_

_"Ring, ring." Agent P adjusted his hand into a phone-shape and held it up to his 'ear.' "Hello? Oh, Department of the Obvious?" He held his phone-hand up to Doof. "It's for you."_

_Doofenshmirtz wasn't paying attention. He was rubbing his chin in thought, then inspiration struck. "That's it! I'll revive the dinosaurs in the museum! Then, in all the confusion and anarchy, I'll just waltz in and take over."_

_As he ran to his inator, Agent P looked questioningly at the audience. "Am I crazy, or did he just ignore everything I just said?"_

_Doofenshmirtz reached the inator and pointed it in the direction of the museum. Agent P kicked him into it, creating a huge dent in the device. The inator fired, then exploded._

_*End of Perry's Flashback*_

"Wow," Phineas said. "That flashback sure took a while."

The pterodactyl noticed the four of them and flew to them, talons reaching out.

Candace shrunk back in terror. "Uh, w-what's it doing?"

It was going to try to grab Candace! Perry noticed this and - still in pet-mode - pushed her out of the way, knocking her over. The pterodactyl grabbed the platypus and flew away with him.

Phineas gasped. "Perry! Ferb, Candace, it took Perry!"

Candace shakily - still recovering from the shock - stood up. "I think Perry just saved my life!"

Phineas ignored her. "Gang, I know what we're gonna do today. We're gonna save our buddy!"

_*Doofenshmirtz Chasing a Dinosaur*_

Doofenshmirtz was running in the forest, but he quickly lost sight of the pterodactyl. He stopped running and leaned against a tree, panting.

"Curse *huff* you, *huff* pterodactyl," he panted. Now, how was he gonna get it to attack the Tri-State Area?

The scene shifted to Phineas, Ferb, and Candace in the same forest. Phineas was holding a small tracking device.

"This dino-tracker Ferb and I made should lead us to the pterodactyl," Phineas explained. "Perry should be with it."

They came across Doofenshmirtz panting against the tree.

"Hey," Phineas exclaimed, drawing Doofenshmirtz's attention, "we know you! You're that guy who tried to attack that other guy with bees!"

Doof looked them over. He recognized the two boys, but he'd never seen the teenage girl before. "Oh, yeah! You two destroyed my inator!"

"I am so lost, right now," Candace said to no one in particular.

"You had to read the one-shot," Ferb told her.

Candace rolled her eyes. "Ugh. Can we save the fourth wall breakage for later? Let's just find Perry, so we can go home."

Doofenshmirtz smiled. "Interesting factoid **(A.N.T. Farm reference)**; I actually know someone named Perry, but I call him Perry the Platypus. I'm not really sure why I started call him that, come to think of it. He's teal-colored platypus, who's also a secr-"

"You know Perry?" Phineas asked.

"If we're talking about the same guy, then, yes, I do know him. He and I are 'tight' as you youngsters put it."

Candace crossed her arms in annoyance. "No one says that, anymore."

"This is gonna sound weird," Phineas told Doofenshmirtz, "but Perry got abducted by a pterodactyl. We don't know how a pterodactyl can be alive, but it is, and-"

Doof began rippling.

Candace facepalmed. "Great. Another flashback."

*In Front of the Museum*

"I can't believe you lost the pterodactyl fossil while guarding the museum!" A woman scolded her husband. "How can you lose a fossil that size!?"

*In the Forest*

Doofenshmirtz stopped rippling.

"If everyone's done flashing back," Candace groaned, "my brothers and I have two get our platypus back from something that shouldn't even be alive."

Doof raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you three a little young to be hunting for dinosaurs?"

"Yes," Phineas answered. "Yes, we are. Now, if you'll excuse us, we have to find our pet."

Doofenshmirtz smiled. "You guys need a traveling buddy to tell you weird personal stories?"

"No," Candace said firmly.

But, Phineas and Ferb said, "Yes," simultaneously.

Unfortunately for Candace, it was two against one.

* * *

"...then the Ambassador's wife filed a complaint... Long story short, I am never welcome in Albania ever again," **(quote from the PnF episode, "We Call It Maze")** Doofenshmirtz told the kids.

He was telling them backstories (which Candace was tuning out) until they all reached a huge, deep pit in the middle of the forest. They looked at it in confusion.

"Why is there a huge pit in the middle of the forest?" Candace voiced everyone's thoughts.

"Well, one time I created a really-big-pit-inator," Doof explained, "which got stuck in random-fire-mode. Maybe that's what caused it?" Everyone shrugged, and he continued. "Do you think the pterodactyl might have taken Perry the Platypus down there?"

A faint, gravelly screech came from in the pit.

Doof said, "I'll take that as a yes."

Ferb walked over to a tree, tied a long rope around it, and threw the other end of the rope into the pit.

"Wait, wait," Doof said, puzzled, "where did you get that rope?"

The music started. **(This song is to the tune of **_**Supernatural**_** by Ke$ha. Just imagine her singing it, I guess.)**

* * *

_Come, _(The four of them climb down the rope *insert "duh" here*.)

_Let's climb down this rope._

_We're lookin' for our friend. _(Ferb shows the audience a photo of Perry.)

_We will not lose hope._ (Doof looks at the photo in confusion, since he can't recognize Perry without his fedora.)

_He does not do much. _(They are shown running into a tunnel.)

_'Cause he's a platypus. _(Ferb turns on a flashlight.)

_So, we will search for him._ (The kids go underneath a spider web.)

_Don't you be a wuss._ (Doof's face makes contact with the web, and he screams.)

* * *

_We're looking for _(They scale the side of a cliff.)

_The pterodactyl_

_That stole our favorite furry little friend. _(The pterodactyl flies past them.)

_We'll catch up to_ (Phineas points to it, and they follow it as fast as they can.)

_The dinosaur_

_And, we'll make sure our buddy gets home safe. _(A close up of Perry - struggling to escape from the pterodactyl's grasp - being carried away.)

* * *

_Perry, don't you worry 'bout a thing. _(Perry spots them and a warm smile appears on his face.)

_We will find you._ (Then, he becomes anxious, when he sees his nemesis with them.)

_Don't worry about the dinosaur._ (He glances at the pterodactyl, then back at the kids and Doofenshmirtz.)

_We will save you._ (The pterodactyl drops him in a giant nest.)

_Perry, know that, no matter what happens, _(Not sure what else to do, Perry switches to pet-mode to avoid recognition from Doofenshmirtz.)

_We can help you._ (Phineas sees Perry and motions for everyone to follow him across a rickety bridge that leads to the nest.)

_'Cause you know that we love you, Perry._ (They cross the bridge.)

_So, we'll save you. _(Phineas and Ferb hug Perry.)

* * *

"Are you okay, Perry?" Phineas asked his pet, once the song ended.

Perry chattered in response, still weary - and a little confused - about Doofenshmirtz's presence but not showing it.

Doofenshmirtz was confused. This wasn't Perry the Platypus. This was an ordinary platypus. Doof knelt down next to it and got a closer look. The platypus made no effort to respond to this. Now that he was closer, he noticed that this platypus _did_ have similarities to...

He stood up in shock and gasped. He then pointed at the monotreme. "Perry the Platypus!?"

Everyone stared at him. While Phineas, Ferb, and Candace were confused at the outburst, Perry was in shock. The doctor _never_ recognized him without a fedora! Perry realized his eyes had focused, and he quickly went wall-eyed.

Doofenshmirtz felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "Um... Disregard my outburst. I, uh, I just didn't expect Perry the Platypus to look like that."

The children glanced at Perry in confusion. What did their new friend mean?

"What are you talking about?" Candace asked. "He's a platypus. It's not like he's some super intelligent creature, or anything."

Doof blinked twice. Didn't they know? "You mean, you kids don't about what he does, every day?"

They all shook their heads. Perry looked fearfully from one kid to the next. If Doof blew his cover...

Doofenshmirtz opened his mouth to tell them, but then he saw Perry's pleading expression. An expression that clearly meant 'Please, don't tell them.'

Doof felt torn. Now was his chance to get the jump on his nemesis. If Perry didn't want them knowing, then there was probably a good reason. On the other hand, Perry the Platypus had always been there for him. Doofenshmirtz recalled all the times Perry had been a friend to him...

"He's rippling, again," Candace said, annoyed. Why had the author put so many flashbacks in this one-shot? Candace snapped her fingers, which brought Doof back to reality. "Dr. D, you were gonna say something?"

"Oh, right. Um, about what Perry the Platypus does everyday..." Doof began.

A lump formed in Perry's throat, and he squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for his cover to be blown.

"He comes to my building, and we-"

Doof stopped, when he saw a tear slide down Perry's cheek. He couldn't do it. Doofenshmirtz couldn't blow Perry's cover. The platypus _had_ done a lot for him. Keeping Perry's secret was the least he could do, in return. Plus, he hadn't seen his nemesis cry since the incident with Peter the Panda.

"We...we just sort of...you know, hang-out."

Perry's eyes shot open, and he gazed at his nemesis in confusion. Did Doofenshmirtz..._keep his secret_?

Doof nodded, feeling a little more comfortable with what he was about to say. Mostly, because it was the truth. "Yeah, uh, I talk to him, and I do other stuff with him. He's a really good listener."

Phineas smiled. "Yes. Yes, he is."

Perry gazed at Doofenshmirtz with a look that showed nothing but pure gratitude. Discreetly, Doof winked at the platypus.

Candace looked over the nest. "If that pterodactyl was only alive for an hour, how did it manage to build this big nest?"

"It's probably best not to question it," **(quote from the PnF episode, "Meatloaf Surprise.")** Ferb told her.

The pterodactyl's screech rang through the cave. It flew to them. They screamed.

Doof ushered Phineas, Ferb, and Candace to the bridge. "Women and children, first! Go! Go! Go!"

Phineas turned around and asked, "But, what about you and Perry?"

"We'll catch up! Move it!" When they were off-screen, Doof whispered to Perry, "Now! Do your secret agent thing!"

Perry nodded and punched the pterodactyl in the eye, when it landed in the nest and bent down to eat them. It screeched in pain. Perry jabbed its leg with his ankle, and it screeched even louder and fell out of the nest, plunging down the steep drop.

Doofenhsmirtz stared at his nemesis in both amazement and confusion. "What just happened?"

Perry showed Doof a little spike on the platypus's ankle. "Poisonous ankle barbs. Powerful enough to kill small animals and deliver a paralyzing pain to humans. And, apparently dinosaurs."

Doof continued to stare. How come he didn't know about this? "Okay... Do you think the pterodactyl survived the fall? Or, the poison?"

"The poison probably won't kill it," Perry answered. "As for the fall, well," he shook his head, "I wouldn't wait around to find out."

Perry went into pet-mode and crawled across the bridge. Doof followed.

The kids ran up to them.

"There you are, Perry and Dr. D!" Phineas exclaimed.

"What took you guys so long?" Candace asked, a little concerned.

Doof glanced back at the nest, half-expecting the pterodactyl to reappear. "Uh, we had to fight off the pterodactyl. Hey, did you know that Perry the Platypus has poisonous ankle barbs?"

"Yep," Phineas answered. "We were gonna get them removed this Tuesday."

Doof almost told him not to, but then he remembered that he would still have to fight Perry. He didn't want to risk getting poisoned.

Candace motioned for them to follow. "Come on. The sooner we get out of here, the better."

Doofenshmirtz started to follow, but he felt Perry tugging on his pant-leg, signaling for him to wait.

"Uh, we'll catch up," Doof called. "I, uh, forgot something."

The children shrugged and continued walking.

When they were gone, Doof knelt down beside Perry. "Yes?"

Perry opened his mouth, then closed it. He didn't know what to say. Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz - his nemesis and the guy that was supposed to hate him - had kept his secret. Perry shyly reached into an apparently existent pocket, pulled out a pamphlet, and handed it to him.

Doof took it and opened it up. "Hey, what's this?" He started reading it. "Host-families? Relocation? Balloon cover-up?" He raised an eyebrow at the platypus looking shyly at him. "Well, that explains why you didn't tell those kids you were a secret agent. But, why didn't you tell _me_ about _them_?"

"Check the Nemesis Clause," Perry told him.

Doof read the 'Nemesis Clause' aloud. "If an agent's assigned nemesis should find out about said agent's host-family, then the nemesis must have his-slash-her memory erased, or the agent will be relocated for the safety of the host-family in question." He looked at his nemesis in realization. "_That's_ why you never told me about your family."

Perry nodded, not meeting his nemesis's gaze.

He looked up at his nemesis, when the doctor said, "Listen, Perry the Platypus. I don't want you to lose your family. But, I also do _not_ want my memory erased. I...I really like those kids, and I think they like me, too. They're the friends I never had as a boy, because I was a lawn gnome, or smelled like pork, or wore dresses, ex cetera. So... Can we just, you know, keep this between us?"

He gave back the pamphlet, and Perry tucked away in his pocket. Perry thought back to when Stacy discovered his secret. She had agreed to keep it, but Dr. Doofenshmirtz wasn't Stacy.

"I promise not to do anything evil to them," Doof pleaded.

Perry looked in his eyes and smiled warmly. Doof wasn't lying. Perry could tell.

"Okay," the platypus agreed.

Doof grinned, then immediately frowned when a screech was heard. The pterodactyl flew up from the abyss.

"Oh, come on!" Doofenshmirtz cried out in irritation.

"Run!" Perry shouted.

They ran into the tunnel. The pterodactyl was gaining on them. Then, Perry had an idea. The tunnel had to be ancient. If he could just...

Gathering up all his strength - and ignoring Doofenshmirtz's cry of "Perry the Platypus, what are you doing?" - Perry backed up and ran as fast as he could to the wall of the tunnel and kicked it as hard as he could. The tunnel began to collapse.

Doof screamed in terror and ran. Perry attempted to follow him out, but collapsed. He had only just noticed the sharp pain in his leg, and he was certain that it was broken.

Perry cried out, "D-Doc! Doc!"

Doof turned around, saw his nemesis lying on the ground, clutching his leg, and knew exactly what had happened.

Kicking the wall was _not_ one of the platypus's better ideas.

Rocks blocked the pterodactyl from getting to them, but the tunnel threatened to collapse on the doctor and the injured monotreme. Doof was frozen in fear.

"DOCTOR!"

Perry was on the verge of panic. Doof could tell and that was enough to snap him out of his trance. He ran over and scooped up Perry in his arms. He ran as fast as his legs would carry him out of the tunnel. The two of them were out just as tunnel had completely collapsed.

"Dr. D! Perry!" Phineas exclaimed in relief.

He and his siblings ran up to them and hugged them. Doof was too frazzled to return it. Perry, however, seemed to relax at his owners' embrace. Doof could have sworn he heard the platypus purring. **(I don't know if platypuses can purr. Roll with it.)**

The kids let go, and Doof handed Phineas the platypus. "You may want to get his leg looked at," Doof said to Phineas.

* * *

"_Neither_ of my parents showed up for my own birth," Doofenshmirtz rambled as they all climbed up the rope, Perry riding on Ferb's back.

"Is that even possible?" Candace asked.

"For me, it is. Later on, I had to be raised by osalots, who were actually a lot more nurturing than my birth-parents."

They reached the opening they'd entered through and climbed out of the pit.

Candace groaned. "_Finally_. I thought we'd never get out of there."

It was dark out. They began wondering how long they'd been down there.

Phineas smiled. "Well, that was a day well-siezed. We explored a potentially unknown area, had a run-in with a dinosaur," he looked at Doofenshmirtz, "and befriended a fellow inventor."

Doof smiled and ruffled the boy's hair. "Yes. Yes, you did. You kids want me to take you home. I-I don't have my car with me, but you know what they say; There's safety in numbers."

"Okay," Phineas said. "We'll lead the way, since you probably don't know where we live."

"Sounds good," Doof responded. "Now, let me tell you about my date with future-pop star, Lindana."

The kids looked at each other.

Candace told Doofenshmirtz, "Uh, Lindana's our mom."

A pause, then Doof said, "Well...this is awkward..."

**The End**

* * *

**This was the longest episode, so far. As you've probably noticed, I put in a good dose of Perryshmirtz friendship. I suppose you could think of it the other way, but I meant it as friendship. Also, did you like that little Lindana-part at the end? Lol, right?**


	16. It's the Grand Pumpkin, Agent P!

**Summary: In a parody of "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," Doofenshmirtz talks Perry into waiting for the 'Grand Pumpkin' with him.**

* * *

**It's the Grand Pumpkin, Agent P!**

_*Doofenshmirtz Writing a Letter*_

Dr. Doofenshmirtz sat at his desk, writing a letter **(enter "duh" here)**. As he was writing, the words he wrote appeared about him.

_Dear Grand Pumpkin,_

_I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz of 'Doofenshmirtz Evil Incoorporated'; I've got a jingle, but you can't hear it, since this is a letter. It's a good jingle, though._

Snoopy from _Peanuts_ appeared next to him.

_I'm writing this letter to you so that you'll have an idea of what to bring me for Halloween. I know this is sort of last-minute, but I've kind of busy getting thwarted by a platypus._

At the part about the platypus, Snoopy walked off-screen, laughing.

Doof just looked at him and said, "That dog seems familiar." He then continued writing.

_Now, on to my list._

Perry appeared next to him and placed his elbow casually on the desk, watching the letters above his nemesis with a bored expression.

_I was hoping for some new self-destruct buttons and maybe some platypus-repellent._

Perry decided to cut in at 'platypus-repellent.' "Whatcha doin'?"

*Flynn-Fletcher Backyard*

Isabella was hammering a nail into a metallic device, and Phineas was looking at a blueprint.

Isabella suddenly stopped and said, "I'm sensing a disturbance in the universe. I think someone used my catchphrase."

"Hm," Phineas nodded. "Well, maybe you'd feel better if you asked where Perry went."

"Where's Perry...? I do feel a little better."

*D.E.I.*

Doof looked at his nemesis and smiled. "Oh, there you are, Perry the Platypus. I'm not doing anything evil, today. I'm just writing a last-minute letter to the Grand Pumpkin."

Perry cocked his brow in confusion. "Who's this 'grand pumpkin?' The name sounds familiar, but I can't quite place it."

"The Grand Pumpkin is a very powerful and magical vegetable," Doof explained. "Every Halloween night, the Grand Pumpkin rises out of the most magnificent pumpkin patch he can find. He flies through the air, delivering presents to all the evil people in world."

"Now, I remember him. But, I thought he supposedly delivered treats to all the good little children?"

"No, no. You're thinking of that fictional character, the _Great_ Pumpkin. The _Grand_ Pumpkin is real. You see, Perry the Platypus, back in Gimmelshtump," the screen flashed to a young Heinz standing in a pumpkin patch, smiling hopefully, "I would spend every Halloween standing in a pumpkin patch, waiting for the Grand Pumpkin to arrive." The screen returned to the present. "Mostly because, when you trick-or-treat in Gimmelshtump, all you get is a bunk of rocks. Unfortunately, the Grand Pumpkin never showed up. But, I still do it. Every year." His eyes lit up. "Hey, Perry the Platypus, why don't you wait in the pumpkin patch with me?"

Perry rolled his eyes. Spending Halloween with his nemesis was the _last_ thing he wanted to do. Plus, he had already planned to go trick-or-treating with Phineas, Ferb, and their friends. "Doc, as much as I'd _love_ to waste the night waiting for a creature that probably doesn't even exist-"

"Please? It gets so boring."

"No, Doc."

"Pretty please?"

"I said, 'no.'"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

Perry thought it over. "A cherry, huh? Okay, but just for little while." **(from the episode, "Terrifying Tri-State Trilogy of Terror")**

*Pumpkin Patch on Halloween Night*

Doofenshmirtz was sitting in a folding chair, when Perry walked up to him.

Doof smiled down at him. "Happy Halloween, Perry the Platypus."

Perry crossed his arms. "This pumpkin-thing better show up. I have a prior engagement with the kids you forgot about in the _Phineas and Ferb_ movie."

"There was a _Phineas and Ferb_ movie?"

"Exactly."

"What does that even mean?"

_-later-_

"You wanna hear a joke?" Doof asked.

Perry was getting annoyed. "No."

His nemesis was oblivious of it. "Here's a joke."

"Ugh."

"Why did the platypus get thrown out of the restaurant?"

"I don't care."

"Because he had a really big _bill_!" **(from the **_**Gravity Falls**_** episode, "Legend of the Gobblewonker")** Doof started laughing.

Perry, however, was not amused. "Can I go now?"

Doofenshmirtz narrowed his eyes. "Don't make me trap you. I've got nice little Jack-o-lantern trap prepared, just in case-"

He was cut off by some rustling nearby.

Doofenshmirtz gasped in delight. "C-can it be...?" A large, round, shadowy figure appeared in front of them. "It is! It's the Grand Pumpkin!" Doof fainted.

The shadowy figure revealed itself to be the giant floating baby head and floated away. Perry just stared at it, eye twitching.

Doof sat up. "Did I faint? Did the Grand Pumpkin bring me anything?"

Suddenly furious, Perry snapped, "I was wronged! I spent all night waiting for the Grand Pumpkin! I should be trick-or-treating with Phineas and Ferb! Not in a pumpkin patch with some _blockhead_, who believes in magic vegetables!"

Doof was a little frightened. His nemesis was usually so calm and collected. "But, but, but-"

"But-but-but-nothing! Perry the Platypus is out!" Perry held up two fingers. "Peace!" He stormed off.

Not wanting to appeared as rattled as he felt, Doof called, "Fine! I don't need you! The Grand Pumpkin will come with or without you here to see him! Or, her. I don't know which it is." He crossed his arms. "Has it ever occurred to you, Perry the Platypus, how rude you are, sometimes? You just leave without so much as a polite 'goodbye.' I'll bet it never even occurred to you that I keep talking to you for a while after you leave." **(from the episode, "Great Balls of Water")**

_-later-_

"Where is it?" Doof wondered aloud, anxious. "It should be here, by now." He started speaking to the pumpkins. "Where are you? Why didn't you come? Why don't you _ever_ come? Curse you, Grand Pumpkin!"

*D.E.I.*

Doof was on his balcony, the next day, thinking about the previous night.

Perry flew next to him on his jet pack. "Hey, Doc. Sorry about my outburst, last night."

Doof shrugged. "That's okay. I guess I did kind of keep you from having any actual _fun_."

"So, no Grand Pumpkin?"

"No Grand Pumpkin."

There was a pause, then Perry said, "Don't feel bad, Doc. We all do stupid things."

That got Doof's attention. "Stupid!?" he snapped. "What do you mean, 'stupid!?' The Grand Pumpkin is real!" Doof continued ranting, as Perry flew away. "Next year, I'll find an even better pumpkin patch! Then, you'll see that he exists! Or, she. Whatever!"

**The End**

* * *

**Happy Halloween!**


End file.
